Bunked

My body itches (and sometimes aches) for one more baby.  Its not going to happen (in our plans).  I have just been noticing things like Miles' body stretching.  His footed jammies are pulling on his shoulders.  He's moving from toddler to baby boy rapidly....too fast.  His facial expressions, his tummy thinning, his cheeks slimming.  Thus my heart longs for one more.  Thankfully, I get to work with and love on new babies often through work.  Otherwise it would be even harder.

Finn has been begging for a bunk bed.  I promised him when Miles came out of the crib that he could get one.  Finn's a creature of habit.  He doesn't adjust quickly or well to change.  So when it came time to actually sleep in the new bunks with his brother - I thought for sure it would take a week or so to make the transition.  He proved me wrong.

Miles sleeps 2-3 hours every afternoon.  However, the last month or so he has decided he'd rather nap with me in my bed, than in his own.  Once or twice a week this is fine - as I stay up to all hours of the night working and need an afternoon rest every once in a while to catch up.  He, however, needs one EVERY day.  Or we all suffer.  : )  And he will wake up if I try to transfer him to the crib.  He's like Yoda with his mad senses - knowing if I'm inching away, he'll reach out and pull me back in.

So my solution was to get bunk beds.  This way Finn can play on the ipad and 'rest' on top while I lay with Miles and get him to sleep on the bottom.  Then Finn & I could sneak out while Miles rests and I can actually be productive in the afternoons again.  So far, this part of my plan is working. : )

The part I didn't expect is that the boys are sleeping together at night.

They like being together.  It melts my heart.  Oddly enough they don't even wake each other in the mornings.  

I've had a bit of a hard time adjusting.  The crib is still parked in the hallway outside their room and Shane looked at it today and said "I guess I need to take this down, huh?" Then made sarcastic weeping noises as he looked at me.  He'd love to have another baby too - but he feels he's getting too old.  Finn takes a stern tone with me (like I did something wrong) and asks why I made daddy cry.  ; )

As much as I am excited for every phase of motherhood....the baby stage is a hard one to part with.

Their room is now a hodgepodge collection of things that don't go.  I used to try to decorate and 'theme' things.  But this room....its a mix of things from Miles nursery, the playroom, necessity and lots of love.  I can't seem to pull it together any more than it is.  Because to me, I look at all the things in this room that have meaning and I think its perfect.

Miles newborn photos that used to be above his crib - one had to be moved to fit the bunks.

The framed thrift store find - the "Mother Goose" nursery rhymes in alphabet. The mobile that I made for Miles and stood for 2 hours super glueing the pieces in perfect balance so it would hang evenly.

The beds are twin/full and I put reading lights on the top and bottom.  Adds to the whole 'fort' feel and the boys absolutely love them at night.  :)

The rocker I used for both boys...who were both rocked every night to sleep in it.  The love seat I bought in CO and my old coffee table now turned car track, puzzle bench and toy storage.  Miles shadow box of newborn goodness.  The music box my parents brought me from overseas when I was a little girl.

I cherish these tiny hand prints.  And these images - I am so thankful to have them.  Each showing their personalities.  Each capturing them at this tender age.  I rarely get in the photos.  I love having an image for each of them showcasing our relationship.  

Last, we have lots of monkeys in our house.  There are two here....

And two here....  

 Life moves on.  A wise friend gave me advice that basically said this...as a parent you must move along at the pace your kids are ready for....not at the pace you're ready for.  My boys were ready for this.  I love watching them sleep - side by side.  Brothers.  My heart never knew such love.

Am I ready for this?  Heavens no.  I want Miles in the crib till he can't stretch out.  : )  But I have to do what's best for them.  And so it begins.  They're bunked.  I'm cutting strings.  One by one.

Love Glow

Shane stayed home with us today.  All day.  Just the other week I mentioned to him that I wish someday he could get a 'normal' job.  One where he had Fri night through Mon morning officially 'off'. One where he didn't have to answer his phone at dinner.  Run out the door Sunday morning for the shop.  Work till it was bedtime for the boys (or after).

He stays busy year round.  This year it seemed even more busy than usual.  We are thankful for this and feel incredibly blessed to be able to say that.  The toll...we miss our family time.  Credit to him, he does his best to be here and truly spends quality time with the boys when he is home.

So this morning we were excited.  Shane slept in while I took the boys upstairs to watch Cars for the 9,478th time.  We made eggs.  They raced cars, wrestled and tickled while I packed things for a hike.

We hit two beautiful parks today.  Blue Hen Falls and Daffodil Trail.  Miles rode in the carrier at the first (steep hill down) but walked/ran the entire Daffodil Trail.  He was so excited to be free and able to go on his own.  As his little feet hit the muddy trail I just smiled at Shane.  Pitter patter pitter patter.  His cadence in double time compared to ours.  Absolutely darling.  The smiles smeared across his face the whole time were enough to make my heart burst.  Where has my baby gone?

Half way around the trail Finn stopped and said 'cheese' as I took his photo by the flowers.  Miles trotted up and Finn wrapped his arms around him and gave him a big kiss.  That's when it happened.  My heart, 3' away from them, could feel the love glowing around them.  Igniting my heart and Shane's.  Two innocent souls.  One older, protective, brother so excited to have a play mate instead of a baby around the house.  So proud to see him hiking all on his own.  Again, my eyes met Shane's.

It was healing, today.  We needed it.  Time to just look at each other, look at these boys.  Let our feet hit something other than carpet, tile and cement.  Let the rain wet our jackets, mud stain our shoes, smiles dance across our faces.

Spring is a painful process in Ohio.  Today it was forecasted for 50's and sunshine.  We got rain and 39.  But we went out anyways.  I'm glad we did.

After the hiking, pizza and unpacking (mud everywhere) we all took a rest.  Miles asleep on me.  Me laying quietly next to him.  My brain racing with ideas, memories, prayers and dreams.  Thankful for his sweet breath on my cheek and his occasional reach for reassurance that I was still there.  Finn played the ipad and watched tv.  Bless his sweet heart.  He doesn't nap anymore, but he will 'rest'. Quietly.  For as long as Miles needs to sleep.  Caring for his baby brother in a way only a big brother can.  Daddy started a fire and was able to melt into the couch.  We all felt so much better.

I made a new Pinterest dinner.  Shane took the boys upstairs to watch a movie after and I sat down at the dining table.  Sipping the last of my wine and nibbling on dark chocolate pretzels.  Bliss.

Life gets crazy.  Spins without fail.  Today was our Sabbath. Tomorrow is church, but today was Sabbath.  We rested.  We thanked God for the beauty He created at the parks.  We praised him as we snuggled our kids. We felt his blessing as we watch them grow...closer...every...day.  Brothers.

My last Bible study mentioned the importance of taking Sabbath.  In all transparency we are guilty.  We rarely take a full day to unplug.  Today, however, I was reminded of what it felt like.  It felt good.  My heart is aglow.

I'm not sure what type of tree this is...but the leaves survived winter and are now white.  Beautiful!

Nature's staircase 

Naptime with Bird

Grow Green

Everyone is smiling.  Birds are chirping.  Giggles released.  Toes are showing.  Boys are hungrier and sleepier.  Its SPRING.  : )

It rained last night and all day today.  Thunder roared.  Lightening crashed.  Taps of rain hit the windows softly and loudly.  It was beautiful.  How amazing is it that God in one month's time can go from dead, brown, cold, snowy days to flowers blooming, flip flops, and thunderstorms?  To see everyones transformation (in this winter-beaten town) to flirty, carefree, anticipating, fancy free.  Wonderful.

Shane and I have about 5 minutes of time after the boys finish dinner and run off to play while we finish up to have uninterrupted conversation.  We'll share stories about the day.  Complain about our challenges.  Ask each other for advice.  Dream about the future.  Well, not all of those....just one.  Because we only have 5 minutes.

Tonights choice of conversation was spring.  We both noticed that yesterday the lawns were slowly coming to life, but still looked like winter.  This morning (even with a grey sky) they looked green.  And as the rain fell down throughout the day....they got greener.  One of the miraculous and most beautiful things about the midwest.  Its GREEN.

I picked up the mail shortly after it was delivered because our sorry mailbox has been hit at least 5 times and desperately needs to be replaced.  Its had bee hives, broken door, stuck flag....you name it.  I feel guilty because we're on a first name basis with our mailman and he has to deal with our sad joke of a box every day.  With our crazy schedules its simply the last thing on our minds...thus its been this way for years.

On my walk back to the house I saw yellow daffodils, pink hyacinths, green shoots of promise for more spring flowers to come.  The irises in back are poking their nubs up.  The pear trees that line our neighborhood have BUDS!!!  That means that soon, very soon, our neighborhood will look like its decorated for a celebration.  Spring is here!  Summer is coming...

We bought our pool pass.  I have sandals, flip flops, crocs, shorts and tees in our closets.  We are ready.

So here is to GREEN.  Although every shade of teal from indigo to mint has been my favorite color forever, I'm quickly becoming a fan of green.

Along with the green and flowers come bees.  Finn informed me today that bees are 'grumpy'.  They're grumpy "even before you touch them!"  Why, Finn?  "Because they'll sting you."  : )  Happy spring!

Window to my soul

Music doesn't just hit my ears, it penetrates my soul, changes my mood, encourages, comforts, celebrates and teaches.

I lived in Colorado years ago and had the pleasure of working with a gentleman, Gary Tedder, who is the father to Ryan Tedder, lead singer of One Republic.  It was a delicate time in my life.  Coming off of a 4 year relationship that went no where...28 years old.  Alone.  Single.  Not much hope for a happy marriage or family in my future.

Gary is a wealth of knowledge.  His diction alone is a full days worth of education.  I would write down the words he said and go home and look them up.  If you know him, you know that time spent with him is full of inspiration, encouragement and usually laughter.  He knew my heart was on the mend and handed me a stack of a dozen or more relationship books to read.  To do my homework so I would be ready, prepared and sure of who I was so when Mr. Right did come along....we wouldn't miss each other.

I read the books.  I mended.  Gary also introduced me to his father (Ryan's grandfather) who was a retired preacher.  He worked with me....doing a temperament test and a few counseling sessions.  He and his wife....amazing, amazing, amazing people.  Their family is testimony to God's promise of blessing generations after generations for your obedience.

Ryan's band released their latest album, Native, last week.  Hitting the charts with a bang.  I immediately purchased and have been enjoying the beats as I learn the songs to memory.

Ryan's songs are good for the sounds, but if you look up the lyrics, you'll find his talent goes far beyond the mic.  His soul is deep, transparent, and true.  Shane & I love listening to his tracks for these reasons.  Each song hits our hearts.  Our minds.  Our souls.

Colorado blessed me in countless ways....my network of friends who are like family being the best gift. From their love, their guidance, their encouragement in my faith....I found myself.  They warned me...fasten your seatbelt, you're in for a ride.  I laugh now....God is good.  Looking at my husband sleep next to me, hearing Miles breathe over the monitor, kissing Finn before I go to bed...what a ride it has been.  And what a joy flying back to CO and watching the relationships bloom between them and my family of friends there.

Our journey is now taking a turn....we now have an OH and CO address.  One step closer to our goal to move there again some day.  No home there yet....but the promise, the hope, the dream....

One day we will be in CO once again and I hope to give back to the community that helped me in the most fragile time in my life.

Ryan wrote a song on Native about his sweet grandfather called "Preacher".  Highly recommend you give it a listen.  Here are the lyrics to the chorus....

When I was a kid
My grandfather was a preacher
He'd talk about God
Yeah he was something like a teacher
He said 'God only helps those
Who learn to help themselves'
He was a million miles from a million dollars
But you could never spend his wealth

To the Tedder Family - thank you.  Thank you for everything you've given me.  You have blessed me and in turn, I can now share that love, knowledge and faith with the ones I love.  God is good.  :)

The Work Horse

Balance is a repeated challenge for me.  For every mom, right?  Balance to sensibly divvy your time up between your husband, your children, the kitchen, the laundry, the cleaning, the shopping, the work, the bills, the thank you notes, the Bible study, the reaching out, being a friend, caring for others, caring for yourself, hitting the gym, counting calories and painting our toes.

It. is. endless.

I was so exhausted coming off the holiday weekend.  What a wonderful, joyous holiday and we spent it with friends and family.  Truly could not have asked for a better weekend.  We feel tremendously blessed to have so many amazing people in our lives.  Even in the the heaps of goodness, I was left wiped out.

Not because of the visiting, but because after we got home at 8:30pm on Sunday evening from seeing ALL of our family and going to church (3 different destinations with 2 non-napping children) I had to work.  I had to break down my studio and pack the car for my early morning shoot.  Shower.  Dump my memory cards and back up to external hard drive.  Do payroll for Shane.  Answer emails.  Pay bills.  Get everything ready for everyone else for the morning.  Needless to say....I was in the office till 1:30am.

Einstein had a weird sleep schedule.  Up for hours - full go.  Then sleep for 4 or 5.  I think I could seriously do this!  If it weren't for my husband and kids....this would be totally feasible for me.  I crash every day around 3pm.  After working till 1-2am every night, up at 7am with the kids, run run run.  3pm comes around and I am like a zombie.  If I lay down for an hour, I am good to go again.  Even if its broken sleep - its sleep.

Shane is a work horse, too.  He rarely sleeps well because his mind does not shut off.  I thought I was bad....he has a photographic memory.  I cannot even imagine what his mind 'looks' like when he tries to sleep.  I tease him that he can't remember the boys birthdays.  He says - write them down and let me read them once - then I'll remember!  Must be nice....

So here's to all the work horses out there.  I know I'm not alone.  I'm exhausted....want to sleep.  Yet here is what I have in my head nagging me tonight before I can sleep....Bible study homework, prayer time, hygiene (teeth, face, etc), editing, emails, and planning (lists for the week....work, errands, meals, etc).   Sound familiar?

Here is my honey - the work horse at home with his boys. ; )