I'm a few weeks into a Bible study with some of my girlfriends. Breaking Free, by Beth Moore. This week talked about history…and how we need to recognize the bondage in our own family history before we can break free of it. This bondage can be anything from alcoholism to learned behaviors to worth ethic (and also heavier things such as adultery, divorce, abuse, etc). So many times we grow up in a home thinking that it is the same everywhere. But its not.
Not only do our families leave legacies, they leave us with learned routines, habits and skewed visions of what the world's 'normal' is. I was blessed to grow up in a home that was secure, safe, filled with love. My parents divorced when I was 12, but there was never any abuse, addiction, etc. But what this study is helping me realize is that its not just the BIG sins that hold us captive. It can be the little ones, too. Little things like the style of discipline my parents used…and if that is what I want to use on my children? That amongst countless other things plague my mind as I process the homework from tonight.
We, as parents, have such a huge responsibility to take what we know (or learned growing up) and make it BETTER. Finn came home from school today and quizzed me on creation. "What day did God make Adam and Eve?" Ugh…. I don't know! I know the story. I know (in general) how it goes. But to answer my 6 yr old…I can't. In that simple moment I realized what a challenge I face in my role. His answer…"but Mrs. Villers (his teacher) knows?!" All I could do is apologize and tell him I'd look it up.
Our kids think we hold the answers to everything. How will I measure up? I have found one of the best things I can do for Finn is admit my humanness. "I'm wrong. I don't know. I'm sorry." I'm using them more and more. I imagine some day I'll just sit next to him and listen to him for hours, learning more than I ever thought I could. Love his mind…always looking to take in something new. If only his palette were the same. ; )
Another thing that really struck me about this week's homework is that she talks about the importance of following the Ten Commandments. Simple rules that God designed to help us live well…thus in happiness. I had to look them up in Exodus and to my surprise, even though I feel like I live a good, clean life for God…I regularly break some of the commandments.
1. You shall have no other gods.
2. You will have no idols.
3. You will not misuse the name of the Lord.
4. Keep Sabbath.
5. Honor your father and mother.
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not give false testimony about your neighbor.
10. You shall not covet anything or anyone.
Idols. Fail…because I put work before family. Family before God. Just today I realized that Miles was wanting my attention yet I was busy on the computer trying to get 'just a few more things done'. I manage to do everything else on my list but take a few quiet moments with God. WHY? My day would be so much more peaceful if I would just sit and LISTEN. Pray. Release the day to Him. I can pray while I snuggle my kids on the couch. I can reflect while I drive instead of filling my space with music. I can take a moment, first thing, before I get out of bed, and ask God to use me. Fill me with the Holy Spirit. Guide my words and actions.
Sabbath. Fail. Either Shane or I always work on Sabbath. If not at our jobs, at home. We don't take the time to STOP. Reflect and renew. This will be one of my New Years resolutions.
No false testimonies. I realize this means lying. Which I make a strong effort to be honest. However, to me, this one hit something different. I just share too much. Period. I do not need to talk about every little unpleasant thing that happens to me throughout the day. And I can also take the heavy stuff to God instead of burdening a friend/family member with things. When going straight to Him, nothing will be lost in translation. Whereas if I am constantly sharing my struggles with others…its MY perception. MY assumptions. MY verdict. Thus leaving a lot of room for 'false testimony'.
Covet. Sigh… Its not so much as people for me as it is little things. A necklace. Shoes. Top. Purse. Its on SALE. I have a COUPON. It would go so well with THIS. Things, things, things….how many THINGS do I need? So this, as well, will be on the top of my list for New Years resolutions. Every time I want to covet, buy and embrace something new…STOP. WAIT. PRAY. Anxiousness - whether good or bad - is not from God. Even if I'm anxious about receiving a fun package in the mail with my new shoes….that is not from God. There are SO MANY people who truly NEED things in the world. Who am I?
Needless to say…Advent always spurs emotions for me of confliction. Wanting to gift and gift generously to others. Yet wanting to gift the fun stuff….like clothes, games, toys, trinkets. Why not gift a donation to feed a hungry child? Why not make crafts with the kids to take to the Children's hospital? Why not bake cookies or dinners for those in need? And even tho I'm doing some of these things this year…I know I could do more.
This study is just confirming again and again the message God has clearly been trying to tell me.
ENOUGH.
Enough work.
Enough things.
Enough wasting time on FB, Instagram and Zulily.
Get in the Word! Get in my church! Get into relationship. Family. Fellowship. Discipleship.
Its time….GO!