2.25.2016

Mid-Life Reset

In less than 3 months I will turn 40.  The big 4-0.  Which age has always been a number to me...I still dance like I'm 20, sing like I'm 16 cruising in my own car for the first time and love like I've never been hurt.

One thing has changed...I need a reset.

The last 10 years of my life I've been married to my best friend (well, this fall will be 10) and we worked incredibly hard towards a goal of having our own little 'slice of heaven' where our kids could roam, we'd build a dream home and be living in CO where we both love and live for getting outdoors regularly.  Something about the big skies, fresh air, majestic scenes...I feel closer to God's creations.  Closer to 'heaven'.  Thus closer to Dad.

My dad called his land/home his 'little slice of heaven'.  He was so happy there....he truly loved his property and used to make countless memories.  We, too, hope to enjoy this place for years to come and share it with many.  We've only been here 2 1/2 months and already had 3 house guests.  :) And others lining up.  This makes my heart happy.  This is what its all about.

So why the reset?

We're here.  HERE.  h e r e.

Every minute of free time over the last 10 years was spent dreaming, scheming and working towards this...we're here.

The exhaustion from moving, traveling and settling is slowly wearing off and life is settling into real life.  Its slowly starting to hit me that we are here....hopefully forever.

So aside from the countless projects, play areas and things we'd like to do here...my slate is clean.  This dream that I've been living the last 10 years is finally here...now!  I took the time to linger a bit.  I relaxed.  I've watched the entire series of Scandal on Netflix & Hulu (and I never watch TV).  Shane would laugh at me because it was like seeing a fish out of water.  But I let my mind detach for a bit.  We made it...we still have a long way to go, but we're here.

Its a big birthday coming up.  With God's blessing, maybe I'm hitting my half way?  All I know is that I am having big thoughts.  My brain is overwhelmed with philosophical questions, aspirations, ideas.  Yet I'm floundering a bit.  I can't seem to connect anything...get a grip.  Set goals.

Monday late I made it home from a business trip to Cabo, Mexico.  Thankful the trip was a huge success...I also was very aware of the ebb and flow in life.  Reflecting.  The language there.  The people....they are so happy.  So simple.  So grateful to have people to serve.  YES....GRATEFUL FOR PEOPLE TO SERVE.  Happy to clean rooms, serve food and beverages.  Happy to mop floors and squeegee windows.  Happy.  How many of us could say we would be HAPPY TO SERVE?

So different than most of our American culture these days.  Kids demanding what they want to eat, play, have, do.  Parents in the rut of work, trapped, miserable.  People, in general, unhappy, rushing, running, too busy to finish a conversation.  I have fallen into this way of life.  Snapping at my kids instead of embracing them.  Feeling like I'm checking off my to-do list every day instead of living.

I flew through LA on the way back.  The waves of headlights making mazes on the roads....3 lanes wide.  Blood red sunset over the Pacific.  Such an odd combination of a calm sea, God's creation...next to one of the busiest, most pretentious cities in the world.  The calm bathed in a heavenly beauty all of its own....shored up against the bustle, high maintenance land of the famous.  And suddenly it hits me....that the God I pray to, talk to, have for my best friend...He has ALL of those people to love too.  And that's just one city!  He has the whole world to listen to!  And if they talk half as much as I do to him....wOw.  Just WoW!

Riding the shuttle bus to my connecting gate I share a leather loop hanging from the support poles for stability with an a man with brown skin.  His wife hanging on to him, her head tiredly placed on his chest.  My hand bumps his when we move.  Same God.  Same love.  ALL his people.

I come home exhausted from helping my brother with a group of 110 people....functions, meetings, excursions, transfers.  I come home reenergized by the perspective.  I come home deeply grateful for these people under one roof I'm blessed to call family.  Humbled.  Raw.  In need of a reset.

40 will come fast enough.  If I'm blessed to be half way there...I have another lifetime to leave an impression here.  What do I want to be remembered for?  What legacy do I want to leave?

The last 40 years I spent finding myself.  Finding my way.  Arriving where I am now.

The next 40 years...its a blank slate.  Anything....any dream.  Any goal.  Anything.

So tonight I plan to dream.  Where do I want my business to go?  What do I want to give back with my gifts?  What do I want to be for my kids?  Husband?  What legacy am I here to leave?  What does God want me to do?

Its time to turn up who I am to full capacity.  All the energy I've spent figuring out how to keep my toddlers safe, start a business, help Shane run his, plan a home, build a home....I can now restructure and reset.  The kids are in school all day.  Business can be anything I strive for here....even if that means a different direction.  Give every day all I've got.  Not just get through....not just check off my list.  But strive to lay my head down at night knowing I worked toward what I was sent here to do.  For this season of my life.

Reset.

Go.