The Man Cave

What would I do without my girlfriends?  God has blessed me with so many.  Wonderful, caring, generous, compassionate, forgiving, tender, amazing, inspirational women.  I love how my one friend, Jennifer, put it - you need a lot of girlfriends, like you need a lot of shoes. One to fit each adventure in life.  The shopper, the movie goer, the late night texter, the wise one - for advice, the silly one who will sing at the top of their lungs (off key) with you in the car.  The one who will sit and cry with you.  The one who will come in, no invitation needed, and rescue you when you're down.

What a gift...girlfriends.  Especially those who share the same phase of life with you.  And this particular group...that I recently saw...all have kids similar in age, we all have at least one boy (if not all boys), we all love to laugh. Actually, when I'm with them my voice is usually hoarse the next day from laughing SO hard.  We all love great food, great wine, and great company.  The conversation is thick, inspiring, then can turn to silly on a dime.  LOVE.  Its healing.  To just check out.

Check out from the moment we wake up - giving to others.  Food, clothes, diapers, needs, nurturing, loving, molding and shaping.  Supporting.  So once every other month (if we can coordinate schedules), we get together.  Usually on a Monday since the restaurants are slower, easier to get into.  We sit.  We do nothing for anyone else.  We eat at our own pace.  We usually start the dinner rush and close the place down.

This particular night, however, we went to a special place.  One of my friends' husband is part owner of the building the restaurant was in.  He has a plush 'man cave' upstairs.  The 'man cave' that our husbands have used several times prior.  It was meant to be invaded by women.  ; )

So after we closed the restaurant, we decided we weren't ready, just yet, to go home.  We took turns putting our iphones on the music doc and sang, danced and laughed our way all the way to 2am.  It was fantastic.  I have not been that silly since high school.  Just good, clean, fun.  We took silly photos.  I even have a video that I keep on my phone and watch when I need a good laugh...of all of us dancing around the pool table and hooting like a pack of wolves.  Too much.

So here's to girlfriends.  I'm so thankful God has placed so many special ones in my life.

Schedule

I'm trying something new this week.  Bed at midnight.  Alarm set for 7am.  Devotions, get ready.  Breakfast at 8am.

I am the furthest thing from a morning person.  I can stay up all night, but morning...its hard for me.  I wish I were different.  Morning people always have their acts together.  They're runners, go-getters, set in their faith, leaders.  Every article I read on being more productive, happier, less stressed - tells me to get up at the same time every day - and that it has to be earlier.  Sigh...

So this week I'm making an earnest effort to move at least in the direction of early.  I'm normally up at 7am, but snuggling with my boys in bed, eyes closed.  After editing till 2am, I may even dose off a little while they lay with me.  I peel myself out of bed to get them breakfast, then rush everyone around to get dressed, organized and out the door.  But this week I vow to change.  I have to - Finn starts school this fall and I want his morning to be all about him, not me.  I want to send him out the door with his heart calm and happy.

I want my kids to come downstairs and find mommy sitting up in bed, blinds open, light coming in, reading the Word and getting her heart straight for the day.  I want them to see me studying, praying, reading.  And if they come down before my time to do all of this is up, I have the iPad charged and ready next to my bed - so they can watch a cartoon while snuggling next to me as I finish my time with God.

Two days in, it feels great.  I SO NEED THIS.  When I don't have my personal time with God, I unravel.  It isn't pretty.  Pride, impatience, anger, frustration, selfishness.  This allows me time to pray over my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, those suffering, praises for the miracles provided.  What a great way to start the day.  Perspective...

So here's to schedules.  The rest of my day may be complete chaos....but at least it starts well. And that little change is bringing everyone more peace. One step in the right direction.

All About Me

Going to bed would be the smart and responsible thing to do right now.  Instead, I'm here.  Writing as a release....creatively, emotionally, and spiritually.  I'm at the kitchen table, looking at the glass of Sauvignon Blanc that my husband sweetly poured me last night....that I never drank.  Got distracted with the garage, kids, bedtime, editing.  Went in the fridge.  Took it out at late lunch today (why not....its summer : ) and had maybe two sips.  Its still sitting on my table - now headed to give the drain the best drink its had in months.

If you read my blog, you know that we've been super busy recently.  The one thing that has slipped my radar, along with many other things, is my moral compass.  I haven't been consistently in the Word since March.  I've kept up pretty fairly with my daily prayer time (with the kids, bedtime, meals, etc) but I have not had (or made) the time to do my devotions, studies, and deep point-specific praying for those who are in need.

Where has this led me?  To a place of disaster.  Downward spiral.  Slowly falling further away from my Savior and into the trappings of every day life.  Chaos. Wants.  Complaints.  Fear.  So-called needs. Judgments.  Criticism.  A life full of 'All About Me'.

It is time.

It is time to reclaim myself.  Well, not that I can save myself, but I can choose to make the effort!  : ) At least a little each day.  Maybe if I write my goals here, it will give me more accountability and reasons to report back on how I'm doing.  How I'm failing.

Our Bible study group decided to take a break in March.  Well, I did.  I was hosting a small group of women every other week in my home. Mom's with similar daily duties, challenges, delights.  Once 6-8 women, dwindled down to 2 regular attendees.  I stopped because it seemed like too much.  Life was getting crazy and it was one thing I could take off our calendars.  I'm so sorry I did.  I need the push to do the homework.  I need the accountability.  I need the fellowship.

Breaking Free, by Beth Moore, is the study book I decided to purchase and walk through on my own.  No videos.  No group.  Just me and the Word.  I'm just getting started...3 months later.  But I did sit down tonight and do 2 days worth of homework.  I also read through my devotionals.  Its a start.  It felt SO good.  The peace that spills over me while I'm in the Word is beyond comprehension.  Heaven sent.  Beautiful.

How quickly and easily I fall off track.  One swear word slips from my mouth and then a slue continue for days to follow.  One piece of gossip shared to a friend, I find myself telling the story to another.  Simple interactions with my family, kids, friends should be enjoyable, yet I'm irritable, angry and impatient.  Rushed, pushing, annoyed.  Once the door is opened, the enemy works at you from every angle.  Until you're destroyed.

So tonight I take oath to work towards change.  Back to my Father's arms for comfort.  May He cleanse my unclean lips, may He fill me with the Spirit and all the fruits that come with it.  May He forgive me for my failures and let me start fresh tomorrow.

For sake of sharing....here is my laundry list of the things that I am most annoyed with myself and want to work on:

Patience.
Diction.
Grace.
Integrity.
Attitude.

Those are big ones.  Let's see if I can be more specific:

• Listening to my kids more intently and calmly.  Treating others with peace and love.
• Choose my words wisely.  Quit swearing.  Only share things that will help/lift others. (take the bad stuff to God to work through instead of gossiping)
• Allow myself the room to grow.  To stumble.  To get back up and move on.  Allow everyone else that same grace.
• Be honest.  Say what I mean.  Do not embellish. Let my 'yes' be 'yes'.  No be no. Listen more than I speak.
• Look for the bright side.  Embrace it.  Pray for God's joy to overflow in my heart. Be an encourager.

That should keep me busy.   : )

NOW I can go to bed.  And will actually be able to sleep.  Having this in writing means I have a reference.  I have accountability.  I have a clear description of my focus.  

Happy Friday everyone!

Working Momma

I know there are lots of families out there with situations far worse than mine, so please let me start this post by warning, I'm going to complain about my silly little life.

Late March starts the busy season for my husband.  Life gets WILD.  Imagine being a single mom, but then also having to cook (for a gluten allergy) for him, never knowing if he'll be eating at 5pm (before heading out for estimates) or at 10pm when he finally walks in the door for the evening.  The laundry is horrendous.  Muddy, covered in fuels, mulch, grease, eck.  And worse - my allergies always hit this time of year so I have been wiped out either on allergy meds, or suffering through them...still trying to run the house, run my business, do his office work and raise the kids.  All the while trying to be supportive of him because he not only is working 14-16 hour days 7 days a week, he is doing hard, strenuous labor.  So, aside from an event here and there....we have been full go, 24-7, for over 2 months.  I've barely even had time to talk to him.

Needless to say, I hit my breaking point this past weekend.  And just as I'm feeling better (from the allergies) I came down with some weird stomach bug that had me laid up all day Sunday and Monday. When I get sick, I know I've hit the end of my rope.  Praise the Good Lord no one else in our house got it.  (which leads me to wonder if it truly was just me wearing myself down to nothing)

So we are coming out of the haze.  The fog.  The madness.  Shane has been able to spend a little more time with us.  Allergies are much better.  Finn's school is done (more below).  Summer is almost here.  Its so close I can taste it.  It tastes like ice cream and watermelon. : )

My work/photography schedule has naturally slowed for June/July.  I'm actually excited about it. : )  Not sure if it will stay that way (which is fine too).  We have a pool pass this year and I am so excited to play with my boys.  Its Finn's last summer before he starts kindergarten - so I really want to remember it.  Live it up.  Enjoy it.

He graduated pre-school last week.  In safety town this week.  So grown up and getting so tall.  It almost hurts me to look at him, wondering where my baby has gone.  Miles still likes to snuggle all the time (my saving grace), but I realize, as I lay with the boys at bedtime, that Finn is needing less and less of that cuddle time.  Its sad.  But its good.  He's growing, reaching out, becoming his own.  I just never expected it to be so soon.

He deeply despises being in front of crowds.  When they filed in for graduation he had the worst scowl on his face.  LOL Only to get better by him hiding behind his hands the entire presentation.

Pre-Miles, Shane and I would really be bothered by this.  Me especially since I did the majority of the child rearing.  I would look at my life and ask - am I that much of an introvert?  Surely I'm not modeling behavior that would warrant this type of response.  : )  But Miles is in the same home, same womb, same structure and he is the outgoing charmer who would run up there and join them, then demand everyones attention by smiling, singing and dancing. : )

So now when I see Finn act this way, I smile and take a deep breath - this is HIM.  Its OK.  He is talented and wonderful is countless ways.  Its ok for him to not like attention.  I wish I would've given him (and myself) this grace much sooner.  If I can offer some encouragement to any other moms out there with painfully shy children in being transparent about this...I hope I do.

Once we got to the park party after the ceremony and the children were playing while the adults mingled - he was perfectly fine.

But all of this observing had me thinking and obsessing about his school for fall. He's currently enrolled in our public system which hosts around 5 classrooms of kindergartners - with 20-25 kids per room.  Full days (9-3). Excellent teachers, excellent ratings. My heart would beat faster and palms start sweating, thinking about my sweet, shy guy going into such a different environment than his one room, 12 person pre-school class he's had for two years.

I prayed and researched and am still in the process of confirming, but I have decided to send him to a private Christian school.  2 classes.  Less than 15 kids.  3 half days, 2 full.  So many reasons alone, besides the Godly influence that I am thrilled about, to make the investment in his education.  THIS is why I work.  This is why I stay up till 2am every night editing.  THIS is for HIM.  And I'm happy to do it.

I've had to wake him up every morning this week for Safety Town classes.  It doesn't start till 9am, but you'd think it was 7.  I just cannot motivate the kid!  LOL  His brain is on summer vacation.  And I cannot wait till next week when we officially are DONE.  He can rest as long as his heart desires in the mornings while I get up with Jumping Jack Miles at 6:30 every day. : )

Tonight we stayed home.  No running.  No visitors.  No play dates.  So Finn went for the sprinkler.  And Miles was laughing harder than I've ever heard him at his older brother being silly.  It was healing.  Soothing.  We needed it.

I was busy (of course....can't sit still) organizing things in the garage for a garage sale I hope to have this summer...sometime.  I've been throwing things out in the garage as I have time to clean closets.  It looked like our house vomited into the garage.  I was embarrassed for my door to be open while the kids played.  It was THAT bad.  Its still bad - but at least there is some improvement.  Till the sale, it will be what it will be.

I couldn't see the boys from the garage, but I could hear them....having the time of their lives.

When Finn came for the umbrella I couldn't resist any longer.  I had to join the fun and take some photos.  But I was a bit late - as it was getting darker and Finn was getting cold.  Miles (the dry one) took the umbrella after Finn went in and decided to pose for me....over and over and over.

He is a HAM.  He LOVES the camera.  I actually had to grab him the one day at gym class because the instructor was trying to take photos of these cute little girls and Miles kept photo-bombing the frame!  : )  He's FUN.  And keeps all of us laughing...which is the perfect addition our shy, serious little Finn needed.  God knows best! : )

These are Finn's feet.  : )

Miles now takes over...

 {Miles still posing and making a "clicking" noise (like the camera does when it takes a picture : ) as I was walking in the house...wasn't ready to give it up!}

This weekend has sunshine in the forecast.  We're heading for the pool.  Let summer begin!