Sometimes I feel like my life stands still in the midst of the chaos. School, errands, work, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and trying to fit time for play, friends, devotions and what about my marriage? There I stand....still in the midst of everything spinning around me like a tornado.
I feel like God is pruning me. In many ways and forms....but two in particular. I've seen my circle of friends transition throughout my life. Some changes come from adversity. Some changes come from geography. Some changes come from lifestyle changes...family, children, schedules. But this particular season of my life I feel like I'm being pulled away from my close friends.
Its not that I don't have friends. Or even that I don't see them. I have a wonderful world full of girlfriends I love and adore. Each bringing something fresh and new in my life. But What I feel right now is God calling me to put HIM FIRST. Instead of calling a friend, getting on my knees and calling him. Putting my time and attention into my family. Into our future. Into my faith.
At first I felt a little lonely. I felt like no one truly got 'me'. But now I am seeing that God gets me...and He wants me to have my eyes set on HIM alone. I'm humbled....I'm at peace. I'm thankful. I'm loved. What a beautiful gift to receive....God's unending love. How foolishly I often flee from it.
In this pruning process I'm left looking at my life. Evaluating things. And realizing how much excess. How many culture-induced 'needs' I have in my life. Suddenly I want nothing more than to purge. I want less. In the quiet of less....I'll have more. In the 'more' I'll have purpose.
We're gearing up for a move to Colorado at some point. We have 35 acres of land waiting for us. Not a day goes by that I don't think about what my life would be like there. How what I'm currently doing would look so different if we were there.
We plan to downsize. Smaller home. Less belongings. More purpose.
We spent spring break with my beautiful cousin, Molly. She and her daughter share a gorgeous home in AZ. Its a ranch, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. Probably 1500 sq ft? There were 6 of us under one roof for 7 days and never once was it uncomfortable. In fact, it was amazing. I wish we lived together all the time. Sharing the duties of life...it was easy. It just flowed. Shane and I left her place with the realization that we want less. We would be so happy to have a house that size instead of our current 3500ish home.
Don't get me wrong....I feel immensely blessed to be where we are. I have never felt like this home was my own. I feel like I'm living in my parents home....that somehow we acquired. Having a home like this in the type of neighborhood has been a dream and blessing. Its served us well and I can honestly say that with my studio in the basement, we use it all.
But now our babies are getting older. And all the 'stuff' that comes with having babies is thinning. We now play with bikes and match box cars. Trampolines and markers. Things much more compact than swings, jumpers and saucers. More time outside. And we're realizing we're ready to slim down.
A house where we have one common area of living space....where we actually have to talk to each other and not float to the basement or play room upstairs. Its time to move away from the mindset we've grown to accept of 'bigger is better'. More is necessity. Always looking for whats next.
I cannot wait to have our little home on 35 acres where we spend most of our time together. Outside more.
Where we save our pennies previously spent on the hottest toys and video games....and go on a family missions trip. I want my boys to see how the world lives. To have a heart full of compassion and awareness.
Oddly enough I was sharing some of this with my mom on the phone tonight. How I feel God is pruning me....maybe for a move??!? And how I have this insatiable craving for purpose.
2 minutes later. I sit down to eat dinner with the boys (Shane's still working) and out of nowhere Finn asks me...."Mom, can we go to a poor place? I want to see the kids and play with them. I want to take them food and share it. Like bananas, mom. I bet they've never tasted a banana." I teared up. God sure has a sense of humor.
I asked Finn....did you discuss missions at school today? No. What made you think of that? I don't know....remember you showed me those kids a long time ago? (yes...Christmas...when we were donating shoe boxes). How funny that he says it now. At this time. At that moment.
So now I will be searching for ways we can get involved. Locally. This summer. He's ready. His heart is on fire for the Lord....and I am so excited to see what He has in store for us! More purpose.
Its amazing to me what I hear when I quiet myself enough to just LISTEN. There is such a delicate balance between isolation from society and finding peace in my faith. I crave those quiet moments with my kids....where we wrestle and giggle, go outside and jump on the trampoline. They cackle and squeal with excitement. That's the good stuff. And I want more of it.
It has taken me 3 days to return some of my work emails. Guilt wells up inside. I simply have not had time (in my opinion) to sit down and do it. Why? Because I've been nurturing Miles whose allergies are so bad he just wants to snuggle. I've been baking and cooking for my family so we have good food to eat. I've been having conversations with people face to face. I've been putting my phone down and trying to look at my LIFE. Its a hard adjustment. I fight the urge to dive into technology constantly. But the joy....the joy is in relationship.
I have been trying to overcome my sense of urgency. Urgency to check my phone every 2 minutes. Urgency to answer every call as it comes in. Urgency to answer an email while driving instead of waiting till I'm safely parked at my destination. Our society is full of urgency. Its time for me to let it go.
Hopefully we can find a place to serve this summer. A place where my kids can bring light in someones world. A place where we can be still. Quiet. And listen. Let the joy steep into the air. We have so much to learn.
5.16.2014
5.05.2014
Cleansing
My birthday is Saturday. I'll be 38 years old. I look back at my life...the last 8 years by far the best. I am so in love with my husband and our family. I feel like every day is a gift. Of course we have our moments of disagreements and conflicts, but we have so much joy. What a blessing to be able to say that. Something I thank God for every day.
I started a six day water cleanse yesterday. I took communion at church Sunday morning. The toenail-sized bread and splash of juice that symbolized the last supper and our privilege to partake in such an amazing remembrance of what our Lord sacrificed for us...the best way to kick off a cleanse. I couldn't think of anything better to put in my body before taking on this challenge.
God with us. Emmanuel.
Cleansing. I've had something to eat for the last 13,864 days of my life. Not just something - but at least 3 meals. If not snacks as well. Dessert. Drinks. Indulgence. What a blessing. Borderline obsession. I have never grown hungry for something that was outside of my reach and readily available. I pray this cleanse will give me a new perspective on food. To see that my body is truly a temple that the Lord has blessed me with. To care for it in a way that would glorify Him. To bless our food and partake only with a thankful heart and spirit.
This is the first true fast I've ever done. It feels good. I did some research to be sure it was safe. I am amazed at the health benefits that come from doing a water fast. Resetting my body, mind and soul.
I'm also amazed at the response I get from most people when I tell them. As if we have all become so accustomed to eating whatever/whenever we want that it seems merely impossible for us to go without food. Believing it would be harmful or that I would not be able to function. It was my first response, too! Yet my bulging waste is testimony that I have plenty of excess fat stored up. I'll be just fine. Fasting is an ancient exercise of good health and spiritual renewal. I'm in need of both.
My dear friend, Wendi, turned me onto this cleanse. She does a cleanse twice a year. She's 8 years older than me....looks the same age, if not younger. She has taught me many tricks and tips about eating healthy and wisely. Zucchini noodles are a new favorite in my house thanks to her. : )
She also takes Celtic Sea Salt with the water. Our tears...salty. Our sweat...salty. We need the salt to balance the water and truly flush through our system. The Celtic Sea Salt being one of the only unprocessed products on the market that still provides all the minerals we need. And in taking 1/4 tsp of it with every 16oz of water - you will not be urinating as often as you would be without it. Its amazing...I cannot believe how well its working considering all that I've had for the last 40 hours is water.
Speaking of salt water - I'm so hooked on the new Hillsong United song, Oceans. Take a listen here.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the watersWherever You would call meTake me deeper than my feet could ever wanderAnd my faith will be made strongerIn the presence of my Savior
What a beautiful song.
I also watched the documentary called "Happy." You can find it here. Great one to watch with your kids....to give them some perspective. Both of these encouragers have been great for me. Perfect company on my fasting journey.
I was humbled watching it. Looking at the way other people live around the world. How deep our society and culture have emerged into a rat race of wealth, image, and schedules. I often find myself battling the urge for isolation. To run away from the pressures of our society. Part of why we're working so hard to get to our 35 acres in Colorado. It was refreshing to see that the simplicity of life is still enjoyed in so many other areas of the world. I hope to spend many days with our family just enjoying our time together on the land. Peace of the wind in our ears, the stars to gaze upon at night.
I love the joy I feel with our little family when we're hiking, snuggling, sharing a meal...those moments. We are beyond blessed to have countless friends & family in our lives and love our time with them. Those moments are what build a bond between us that is beyond description. Why would I want to jam our schedules so full of activities and obligations that we are too busy to enjoy those moments? Yet our culture pushes us to get involved in so many things and work so hard that it barely leaves time to enjoy these simple blessings.
Its a balance...and I guess what I'm trying to say is that it feels like we're falling behind if our kids aren't in little gym, kindermusik, ski club, basketball, baseball, soccer and swimming lessons. For those families that it works - great! I'm sure my boys will be in some sort of sports soon enough. I just want to spend dinner time at our table together, listening to their day. I want to grill out with our neighbors, friends or family and not have to rush out to practice. I'd never want to deprive our kids from experiences and opportunities...yet when is enough, enough? How do I carve this type of life for us out of this culture?
So I will be taking this week for cleansing.
My body to be flushed. Toxins out, restart, reset.
My mind to be focused. Discipline, will-power, and to recognize that I am stronger than I previously believed. To brainstorm on ways we can work towards a life of "happiness." (per the movie description)
My soul restored. There is so much hurt in this world. Its prophesy that it will just continue to get worse. I cannot bare the thought of putting my energy into burdening my heart with all of what happens and is reported on the news. With technology it is almost impossible to escape the dark sadness that is engulfing our world. Not only on a large scale, but even in the little everyday occurrences that happen in our own little world. Its time to let it go. Find the balance of being aware yet protecting myself from being consumed by it.
My birthday will be a celebration this year, for sure. I pray that God walk aside my thirsty soul as I journey and long to know more of Him. To have His will for my life be my reality. To let go of my plans and let His kick in. To quit being so wrapped up in myself and be more aware of others.
I started a six day water cleanse yesterday. I took communion at church Sunday morning. The toenail-sized bread and splash of juice that symbolized the last supper and our privilege to partake in such an amazing remembrance of what our Lord sacrificed for us...the best way to kick off a cleanse. I couldn't think of anything better to put in my body before taking on this challenge.
God with us. Emmanuel.
Cleansing. I've had something to eat for the last 13,864 days of my life. Not just something - but at least 3 meals. If not snacks as well. Dessert. Drinks. Indulgence. What a blessing. Borderline obsession. I have never grown hungry for something that was outside of my reach and readily available. I pray this cleanse will give me a new perspective on food. To see that my body is truly a temple that the Lord has blessed me with. To care for it in a way that would glorify Him. To bless our food and partake only with a thankful heart and spirit.
This is the first true fast I've ever done. It feels good. I did some research to be sure it was safe. I am amazed at the health benefits that come from doing a water fast. Resetting my body, mind and soul.
I'm also amazed at the response I get from most people when I tell them. As if we have all become so accustomed to eating whatever/whenever we want that it seems merely impossible for us to go without food. Believing it would be harmful or that I would not be able to function. It was my first response, too! Yet my bulging waste is testimony that I have plenty of excess fat stored up. I'll be just fine. Fasting is an ancient exercise of good health and spiritual renewal. I'm in need of both.
My dear friend, Wendi, turned me onto this cleanse. She does a cleanse twice a year. She's 8 years older than me....looks the same age, if not younger. She has taught me many tricks and tips about eating healthy and wisely. Zucchini noodles are a new favorite in my house thanks to her. : )
She also takes Celtic Sea Salt with the water. Our tears...salty. Our sweat...salty. We need the salt to balance the water and truly flush through our system. The Celtic Sea Salt being one of the only unprocessed products on the market that still provides all the minerals we need. And in taking 1/4 tsp of it with every 16oz of water - you will not be urinating as often as you would be without it. Its amazing...I cannot believe how well its working considering all that I've had for the last 40 hours is water.
Speaking of salt water - I'm so hooked on the new Hillsong United song, Oceans. Take a listen here.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the watersWherever You would call meTake me deeper than my feet could ever wanderAnd my faith will be made strongerIn the presence of my Savior
What a beautiful song.
I also watched the documentary called "Happy." You can find it here. Great one to watch with your kids....to give them some perspective. Both of these encouragers have been great for me. Perfect company on my fasting journey.
I was humbled watching it. Looking at the way other people live around the world. How deep our society and culture have emerged into a rat race of wealth, image, and schedules. I often find myself battling the urge for isolation. To run away from the pressures of our society. Part of why we're working so hard to get to our 35 acres in Colorado. It was refreshing to see that the simplicity of life is still enjoyed in so many other areas of the world. I hope to spend many days with our family just enjoying our time together on the land. Peace of the wind in our ears, the stars to gaze upon at night.
I love the joy I feel with our little family when we're hiking, snuggling, sharing a meal...those moments. We are beyond blessed to have countless friends & family in our lives and love our time with them. Those moments are what build a bond between us that is beyond description. Why would I want to jam our schedules so full of activities and obligations that we are too busy to enjoy those moments? Yet our culture pushes us to get involved in so many things and work so hard that it barely leaves time to enjoy these simple blessings.
Its a balance...and I guess what I'm trying to say is that it feels like we're falling behind if our kids aren't in little gym, kindermusik, ski club, basketball, baseball, soccer and swimming lessons. For those families that it works - great! I'm sure my boys will be in some sort of sports soon enough. I just want to spend dinner time at our table together, listening to their day. I want to grill out with our neighbors, friends or family and not have to rush out to practice. I'd never want to deprive our kids from experiences and opportunities...yet when is enough, enough? How do I carve this type of life for us out of this culture?
So I will be taking this week for cleansing.
My body to be flushed. Toxins out, restart, reset.
My mind to be focused. Discipline, will-power, and to recognize that I am stronger than I previously believed. To brainstorm on ways we can work towards a life of "happiness." (per the movie description)
My soul restored. There is so much hurt in this world. Its prophesy that it will just continue to get worse. I cannot bare the thought of putting my energy into burdening my heart with all of what happens and is reported on the news. With technology it is almost impossible to escape the dark sadness that is engulfing our world. Not only on a large scale, but even in the little everyday occurrences that happen in our own little world. Its time to let it go. Find the balance of being aware yet protecting myself from being consumed by it.
My birthday will be a celebration this year, for sure. I pray that God walk aside my thirsty soul as I journey and long to know more of Him. To have His will for my life be my reality. To let go of my plans and let His kick in. To quit being so wrapped up in myself and be more aware of others.
...but his delight is in the law of the
Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by
streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not
wither.
Lord, please help me to be your light in this falling world. Help me to find the balance of reaching out to those in need, yet protecting myself from the busy-ness of this world. Let me show your LOVE in all things. Please forgive my sins and doubts. Use me to do Your work. Draw me nearer. I want nothing more than to be cleansed this week - from the inside, out.
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