I'm a few weeks into a Bible study with some of my girlfriends. Breaking Free, by Beth Moore. This week talked about history…and how we need to recognize the bondage in our own family history before we can break free of it. This bondage can be anything from alcoholism to learned behaviors to worth ethic (and also heavier things such as adultery, divorce, abuse, etc). So many times we grow up in a home thinking that it is the same everywhere. But its not.
Not only do our families leave legacies, they leave us with learned routines, habits and skewed visions of what the world's 'normal' is. I was blessed to grow up in a home that was secure, safe, filled with love. My parents divorced when I was 12, but there was never any abuse, addiction, etc. But what this study is helping me realize is that its not just the BIG sins that hold us captive. It can be the little ones, too. Little things like the style of discipline my parents used…and if that is what I want to use on my children? That amongst countless other things plague my mind as I process the homework from tonight.
We, as parents, have such a huge responsibility to take what we know (or learned growing up) and make it BETTER. Finn came home from school today and quizzed me on creation. "What day did God make Adam and Eve?" Ugh…. I don't know! I know the story. I know (in general) how it goes. But to answer my 6 yr old…I can't. In that simple moment I realized what a challenge I face in my role. His answer…"but Mrs. Villers (his teacher) knows?!" All I could do is apologize and tell him I'd look it up.
Our kids think we hold the answers to everything. How will I measure up? I have found one of the best things I can do for Finn is admit my humanness. "I'm wrong. I don't know. I'm sorry." I'm using them more and more. I imagine some day I'll just sit next to him and listen to him for hours, learning more than I ever thought I could. Love his mind…always looking to take in something new. If only his palette were the same. ; )
Another thing that really struck me about this week's homework is that she talks about the importance of following the Ten Commandments. Simple rules that God designed to help us live well…thus in happiness. I had to look them up in Exodus and to my surprise, even though I feel like I live a good, clean life for God…I regularly break some of the commandments.
1. You shall have no other gods.
2. You will have no idols.
3. You will not misuse the name of the Lord.
4. Keep Sabbath.
5. Honor your father and mother.
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not give false testimony about your neighbor.
10. You shall not covet anything or anyone.
Idols. Fail…because I put work before family. Family before God. Just today I realized that Miles was wanting my attention yet I was busy on the computer trying to get 'just a few more things done'. I manage to do everything else on my list but take a few quiet moments with God. WHY? My day would be so much more peaceful if I would just sit and LISTEN. Pray. Release the day to Him. I can pray while I snuggle my kids on the couch. I can reflect while I drive instead of filling my space with music. I can take a moment, first thing, before I get out of bed, and ask God to use me. Fill me with the Holy Spirit. Guide my words and actions.
Sabbath. Fail. Either Shane or I always work on Sabbath. If not at our jobs, at home. We don't take the time to STOP. Reflect and renew. This will be one of my New Years resolutions.
No false testimonies. I realize this means lying. Which I make a strong effort to be honest. However, to me, this one hit something different. I just share too much. Period. I do not need to talk about every little unpleasant thing that happens to me throughout the day. And I can also take the heavy stuff to God instead of burdening a friend/family member with things. When going straight to Him, nothing will be lost in translation. Whereas if I am constantly sharing my struggles with others…its MY perception. MY assumptions. MY verdict. Thus leaving a lot of room for 'false testimony'.
Covet. Sigh… Its not so much as people for me as it is little things. A necklace. Shoes. Top. Purse. Its on SALE. I have a COUPON. It would go so well with THIS. Things, things, things….how many THINGS do I need? So this, as well, will be on the top of my list for New Years resolutions. Every time I want to covet, buy and embrace something new…STOP. WAIT. PRAY. Anxiousness - whether good or bad - is not from God. Even if I'm anxious about receiving a fun package in the mail with my new shoes….that is not from God. There are SO MANY people who truly NEED things in the world. Who am I?
Needless to say…Advent always spurs emotions for me of confliction. Wanting to gift and gift generously to others. Yet wanting to gift the fun stuff….like clothes, games, toys, trinkets. Why not gift a donation to feed a hungry child? Why not make crafts with the kids to take to the Children's hospital? Why not bake cookies or dinners for those in need? And even tho I'm doing some of these things this year…I know I could do more.
This study is just confirming again and again the message God has clearly been trying to tell me.
ENOUGH.
Enough work.
Enough things.
Enough wasting time on FB, Instagram and Zulily.
Get in the Word! Get in my church! Get into relationship. Family. Fellowship. Discipleship.
Its time….GO!
12.13.2013
10.09.2013
Balance
I last blogged in June. Its now October. Where does the time go? We had a busy summer, but fun. We had a nice visit from Hudson. So funny to see my two Casper's next to his awesome tanned skin.
We were rained out at the pool.
We had a family reunion and got the pleasure of spending an extra day with my cousin, Andrew's, beautiful family. We went hiking at Brandywine Falls and actually hiked barefoot upstream about a 1/2 mile and found this fun natural waterslide. We had no change of clothes for the kids but it was FUN.
We went hiking a lot. And most times Miles would end up in the water if there was any...or in the mud. So he was often pantless, in his diaper, by the end.
This fall Finn started Kindergarten. That hit hard. I am having a hard time letting him go every day all day. I miss him. But he's thriving, doing well, enjoying it. Truly, he's ready...and a wise friend once told me....you never want to hold them back.
You can see more of Finn's first day on my photography blog here.
Then we visited Colorado. For the first time since we bought the land. With the kids. It was awesome.
We rented the land to a cattle rancher for the summer. These guys (or girls?!?) grazed our fields while we were there.
We did a lot of hiking. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome it was to see the kids on the property. Playing on the rocks, hiking to the top, imagining things were pirate ships, etc. I'm so excited to live here...raise them here. Yet we love where we are and have lots of saving/planning to do.
Daddy planted an Aspen grove while we were there. Our generous new neighbors bought their property with an existing nursery and gave us trees for free. Our wonderful and generous friends, Paul & Christina, who we stayed with...let us borrow their tractor and shared their time with us so we could get it done. We're so pumped to have some trees! Truly cannot thank everyone enough!
First one in! : ))
And we were able to hike this gorgeous canyon with Shane's cousin, Dave, and his fun family.
Back home things kicked into full swing for me with photography. I feel like the last 6 weeks have been a blur. But we did manage to scout this location one weekend for my future mini-sessions. Again...no change of clothes. But there was WATER. I should know by now....
My dear girlfriend just had a baby. I got to hold her. Take her pictures and swoon over her. Even tho I'm enjoying this phase of life....I'm still a bit in shock that the baby phase is over.
Fall is always crazy town for me. I managed to pull off 17 mini-sesions and 7 full session in September alone. And I realized it was over my limit. At least while I'm responsible for Shane's office work. He's the bread winner and his stuff has to come first. My stuff is FUN for me....so hard to keep that perspective. Mostly - I just want more time with these guys. And to cook yummy food for my family.
God has grown my business to the point where I am realizing I need balance. Praise Him for building it to this point. Praise Him for giving me the wisdom and peace to know when to find balance. Limiting my number of sessions a month. Planning full days off with family. Planning meals and allotting time to prepare them. Spending time in the Word and in fellowship.
I'm sorely missing balance. I have 9 more days of crazy...then my new 'schedule' kicks in. I cannot wait.
We were rained out at the pool.
We had a family reunion and got the pleasure of spending an extra day with my cousin, Andrew's, beautiful family. We went hiking at Brandywine Falls and actually hiked barefoot upstream about a 1/2 mile and found this fun natural waterslide. We had no change of clothes for the kids but it was FUN.
Finn & Miles made the best of friends with our neighbors granddaughters who moved back here from FL in June. Aubrey & Addison are celebrities in our home now. : )
We went hiking a lot. And most times Miles would end up in the water if there was any...or in the mud. So he was often pantless, in his diaper, by the end.
This fall Finn started Kindergarten. That hit hard. I am having a hard time letting him go every day all day. I miss him. But he's thriving, doing well, enjoying it. Truly, he's ready...and a wise friend once told me....you never want to hold them back.
You can see more of Finn's first day on my photography blog here.
Then we visited Colorado. For the first time since we bought the land. With the kids. It was awesome.
We rented the land to a cattle rancher for the summer. These guys (or girls?!?) grazed our fields while we were there.
We did a lot of hiking. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome it was to see the kids on the property. Playing on the rocks, hiking to the top, imagining things were pirate ships, etc. I'm so excited to live here...raise them here. Yet we love where we are and have lots of saving/planning to do.
Daddy planted an Aspen grove while we were there. Our generous new neighbors bought their property with an existing nursery and gave us trees for free. Our wonderful and generous friends, Paul & Christina, who we stayed with...let us borrow their tractor and shared their time with us so we could get it done. We're so pumped to have some trees! Truly cannot thank everyone enough!
First one in! : ))
And we were able to hike this gorgeous canyon with Shane's cousin, Dave, and his fun family.
Shane and I even had a date night with Paul & Christina....we saw One Republic at Red Rocks.
Back home things kicked into full swing for me with photography. I feel like the last 6 weeks have been a blur. But we did manage to scout this location one weekend for my future mini-sessions. Again...no change of clothes. But there was WATER. I should know by now....
My friend Natalie and I are both photographers, so we swap talent and take each other's images. This first one is mine (taken at as Miles wouldn't cooperate that night lol), but the others are Nat's. Can't thank her enough.
Miles moved into a bunk bed this summer. And Finn & him have been sleeping together. I LOVE THIS. I go up every night and just look at them. But just this last week Finn decided it was time to go up top. I should be thankful for his courage. For his growth. For his independence. I am. I am also missing them being like this....it barely lasted 5 months. Time just goes too fast. *sniff*
The good news is....they're best buds. Practically joined at the hip. ; )
And sometimes remind me of little old men.
This one, just taken the other morning. They're growing so fast. I LOVE starting my day with the two of them sitting at the bar, eating breakfast and chatting away to me while I pack Finn's lunch.
My dear girlfriend just had a baby. I got to hold her. Take her pictures and swoon over her. Even tho I'm enjoying this phase of life....I'm still a bit in shock that the baby phase is over.
Fall is always crazy town for me. I managed to pull off 17 mini-sesions and 7 full session in September alone. And I realized it was over my limit. At least while I'm responsible for Shane's office work. He's the bread winner and his stuff has to come first. My stuff is FUN for me....so hard to keep that perspective. Mostly - I just want more time with these guys. And to cook yummy food for my family.
God has grown my business to the point where I am realizing I need balance. Praise Him for building it to this point. Praise Him for giving me the wisdom and peace to know when to find balance. Limiting my number of sessions a month. Planning full days off with family. Planning meals and allotting time to prepare them. Spending time in the Word and in fellowship.
I'm sorely missing balance. I have 9 more days of crazy...then my new 'schedule' kicks in. I cannot wait.
6.24.2013
The Man Cave
What would I do without my girlfriends? God has blessed me with so many. Wonderful, caring, generous, compassionate, forgiving, tender, amazing, inspirational women. I love how my one friend, Jennifer, put it - you need a lot of girlfriends, like you need a lot of shoes. One to fit each adventure in life. The shopper, the movie goer, the late night texter, the wise one - for advice, the silly one who will sing at the top of their lungs (off key) with you in the car. The one who will sit and cry with you. The one who will come in, no invitation needed, and rescue you when you're down.
What a gift...girlfriends. Especially those who share the same phase of life with you. And this particular group...that I recently saw...all have kids similar in age, we all have at least one boy (if not all boys), we all love to laugh. Actually, when I'm with them my voice is usually hoarse the next day from laughing SO hard. We all love great food, great wine, and great company. The conversation is thick, inspiring, then can turn to silly on a dime. LOVE. Its healing. To just check out.
Check out from the moment we wake up - giving to others. Food, clothes, diapers, needs, nurturing, loving, molding and shaping. Supporting. So once every other month (if we can coordinate schedules), we get together. Usually on a Monday since the restaurants are slower, easier to get into. We sit. We do nothing for anyone else. We eat at our own pace. We usually start the dinner rush and close the place down.
This particular night, however, we went to a special place. One of my friends' husband is part owner of the building the restaurant was in. He has a plush 'man cave' upstairs. The 'man cave' that our husbands have used several times prior. It was meant to be invaded by women. ; )
So after we closed the restaurant, we decided we weren't ready, just yet, to go home. We took turns putting our iphones on the music doc and sang, danced and laughed our way all the way to 2am. It was fantastic. I have not been that silly since high school. Just good, clean, fun. We took silly photos. I even have a video that I keep on my phone and watch when I need a good laugh...of all of us dancing around the pool table and hooting like a pack of wolves. Too much.
So here's to girlfriends. I'm so thankful God has placed so many special ones in my life.
What a gift...girlfriends. Especially those who share the same phase of life with you. And this particular group...that I recently saw...all have kids similar in age, we all have at least one boy (if not all boys), we all love to laugh. Actually, when I'm with them my voice is usually hoarse the next day from laughing SO hard. We all love great food, great wine, and great company. The conversation is thick, inspiring, then can turn to silly on a dime. LOVE. Its healing. To just check out.
Check out from the moment we wake up - giving to others. Food, clothes, diapers, needs, nurturing, loving, molding and shaping. Supporting. So once every other month (if we can coordinate schedules), we get together. Usually on a Monday since the restaurants are slower, easier to get into. We sit. We do nothing for anyone else. We eat at our own pace. We usually start the dinner rush and close the place down.
This particular night, however, we went to a special place. One of my friends' husband is part owner of the building the restaurant was in. He has a plush 'man cave' upstairs. The 'man cave' that our husbands have used several times prior. It was meant to be invaded by women. ; )
So after we closed the restaurant, we decided we weren't ready, just yet, to go home. We took turns putting our iphones on the music doc and sang, danced and laughed our way all the way to 2am. It was fantastic. I have not been that silly since high school. Just good, clean, fun. We took silly photos. I even have a video that I keep on my phone and watch when I need a good laugh...of all of us dancing around the pool table and hooting like a pack of wolves. Too much.
So here's to girlfriends. I'm so thankful God has placed so many special ones in my life.
6.18.2013
Schedule
I'm trying something new this week. Bed at midnight. Alarm set for 7am. Devotions, get ready. Breakfast at 8am.
I am the furthest thing from a morning person. I can stay up all night, but morning...its hard for me. I wish I were different. Morning people always have their acts together. They're runners, go-getters, set in their faith, leaders. Every article I read on being more productive, happier, less stressed - tells me to get up at the same time every day - and that it has to be earlier. Sigh...
So this week I'm making an earnest effort to move at least in the direction of early. I'm normally up at 7am, but snuggling with my boys in bed, eyes closed. After editing till 2am, I may even dose off a little while they lay with me. I peel myself out of bed to get them breakfast, then rush everyone around to get dressed, organized and out the door. But this week I vow to change. I have to - Finn starts school this fall and I want his morning to be all about him, not me. I want to send him out the door with his heart calm and happy.
I want my kids to come downstairs and find mommy sitting up in bed, blinds open, light coming in, reading the Word and getting her heart straight for the day. I want them to see me studying, praying, reading. And if they come down before my time to do all of this is up, I have the iPad charged and ready next to my bed - so they can watch a cartoon while snuggling next to me as I finish my time with God.
Two days in, it feels great. I SO NEED THIS. When I don't have my personal time with God, I unravel. It isn't pretty. Pride, impatience, anger, frustration, selfishness. This allows me time to pray over my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, those suffering, praises for the miracles provided. What a great way to start the day. Perspective...
So here's to schedules. The rest of my day may be complete chaos....but at least it starts well. And that little change is bringing everyone more peace. One step in the right direction.
I am the furthest thing from a morning person. I can stay up all night, but morning...its hard for me. I wish I were different. Morning people always have their acts together. They're runners, go-getters, set in their faith, leaders. Every article I read on being more productive, happier, less stressed - tells me to get up at the same time every day - and that it has to be earlier. Sigh...
So this week I'm making an earnest effort to move at least in the direction of early. I'm normally up at 7am, but snuggling with my boys in bed, eyes closed. After editing till 2am, I may even dose off a little while they lay with me. I peel myself out of bed to get them breakfast, then rush everyone around to get dressed, organized and out the door. But this week I vow to change. I have to - Finn starts school this fall and I want his morning to be all about him, not me. I want to send him out the door with his heart calm and happy.
I want my kids to come downstairs and find mommy sitting up in bed, blinds open, light coming in, reading the Word and getting her heart straight for the day. I want them to see me studying, praying, reading. And if they come down before my time to do all of this is up, I have the iPad charged and ready next to my bed - so they can watch a cartoon while snuggling next to me as I finish my time with God.
Two days in, it feels great. I SO NEED THIS. When I don't have my personal time with God, I unravel. It isn't pretty. Pride, impatience, anger, frustration, selfishness. This allows me time to pray over my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, those suffering, praises for the miracles provided. What a great way to start the day. Perspective...
So here's to schedules. The rest of my day may be complete chaos....but at least it starts well. And that little change is bringing everyone more peace. One step in the right direction.
6.07.2013
All About Me
Going to bed would be the smart and responsible thing to do right now. Instead, I'm here. Writing as a release....creatively, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm at the kitchen table, looking at the glass of Sauvignon Blanc that my husband sweetly poured me last night....that I never drank. Got distracted with the garage, kids, bedtime, editing. Went in the fridge. Took it out at late lunch today (why not....its summer : ) and had maybe two sips. Its still sitting on my table - now headed to give the drain the best drink its had in months.
If you read my blog, you know that we've been super busy recently. The one thing that has slipped my radar, along with many other things, is my moral compass. I haven't been consistently in the Word since March. I've kept up pretty fairly with my daily prayer time (with the kids, bedtime, meals, etc) but I have not had (or made) the time to do my devotions, studies, and deep point-specific praying for those who are in need.
Where has this led me? To a place of disaster. Downward spiral. Slowly falling further away from my Savior and into the trappings of every day life. Chaos. Wants. Complaints. Fear. So-called needs. Judgments. Criticism. A life full of 'All About Me'.
It is time.
It is time to reclaim myself. Well, not that I can save myself, but I can choose to make the effort! : ) At least a little each day. Maybe if I write my goals here, it will give me more accountability and reasons to report back on how I'm doing. How I'm failing.
Our Bible study group decided to take a break in March. Well, I did. I was hosting a small group of women every other week in my home. Mom's with similar daily duties, challenges, delights. Once 6-8 women, dwindled down to 2 regular attendees. I stopped because it seemed like too much. Life was getting crazy and it was one thing I could take off our calendars. I'm so sorry I did. I need the push to do the homework. I need the accountability. I need the fellowship.
Breaking Free, by Beth Moore, is the study book I decided to purchase and walk through on my own. No videos. No group. Just me and the Word. I'm just getting started...3 months later. But I did sit down tonight and do 2 days worth of homework. I also read through my devotionals. Its a start. It felt SO good. The peace that spills over me while I'm in the Word is beyond comprehension. Heaven sent. Beautiful.
How quickly and easily I fall off track. One swear word slips from my mouth and then a slue continue for days to follow. One piece of gossip shared to a friend, I find myself telling the story to another. Simple interactions with my family, kids, friends should be enjoyable, yet I'm irritable, angry and impatient. Rushed, pushing, annoyed. Once the door is opened, the enemy works at you from every angle. Until you're destroyed.
So tonight I take oath to work towards change. Back to my Father's arms for comfort. May He cleanse my unclean lips, may He fill me with the Spirit and all the fruits that come with it. May He forgive me for my failures and let me start fresh tomorrow.
For sake of sharing....here is my laundry list of the things that I am most annoyed with myself and want to work on:
Patience.
Diction.
Grace.
Integrity.
Attitude.
Those are big ones. Let's see if I can be more specific:
If you read my blog, you know that we've been super busy recently. The one thing that has slipped my radar, along with many other things, is my moral compass. I haven't been consistently in the Word since March. I've kept up pretty fairly with my daily prayer time (with the kids, bedtime, meals, etc) but I have not had (or made) the time to do my devotions, studies, and deep point-specific praying for those who are in need.
Where has this led me? To a place of disaster. Downward spiral. Slowly falling further away from my Savior and into the trappings of every day life. Chaos. Wants. Complaints. Fear. So-called needs. Judgments. Criticism. A life full of 'All About Me'.
It is time.
It is time to reclaim myself. Well, not that I can save myself, but I can choose to make the effort! : ) At least a little each day. Maybe if I write my goals here, it will give me more accountability and reasons to report back on how I'm doing. How I'm failing.
Our Bible study group decided to take a break in March. Well, I did. I was hosting a small group of women every other week in my home. Mom's with similar daily duties, challenges, delights. Once 6-8 women, dwindled down to 2 regular attendees. I stopped because it seemed like too much. Life was getting crazy and it was one thing I could take off our calendars. I'm so sorry I did. I need the push to do the homework. I need the accountability. I need the fellowship.
Breaking Free, by Beth Moore, is the study book I decided to purchase and walk through on my own. No videos. No group. Just me and the Word. I'm just getting started...3 months later. But I did sit down tonight and do 2 days worth of homework. I also read through my devotionals. Its a start. It felt SO good. The peace that spills over me while I'm in the Word is beyond comprehension. Heaven sent. Beautiful.
How quickly and easily I fall off track. One swear word slips from my mouth and then a slue continue for days to follow. One piece of gossip shared to a friend, I find myself telling the story to another. Simple interactions with my family, kids, friends should be enjoyable, yet I'm irritable, angry and impatient. Rushed, pushing, annoyed. Once the door is opened, the enemy works at you from every angle. Until you're destroyed.
So tonight I take oath to work towards change. Back to my Father's arms for comfort. May He cleanse my unclean lips, may He fill me with the Spirit and all the fruits that come with it. May He forgive me for my failures and let me start fresh tomorrow.
For sake of sharing....here is my laundry list of the things that I am most annoyed with myself and want to work on:
Patience.
Diction.
Grace.
Integrity.
Attitude.
Those are big ones. Let's see if I can be more specific:
- Listening to my kids more intently and calmly. Treating others with peace and love.
- Choose my words wisely. Quit swearing. Only share things that will help/lift others. (take the bad stuff to God to work through instead of gossiping)
- Allow myself the room to grow. To stumble. To get back up and move on. Allow everyone else that same grace.
- Be honest. Say what I mean. Do not embellish. Let my 'yes' be 'yes'. No be no. Listen more than I speak.
- Look for the bright side. Embrace it. Pray for God's joy to overflow in my heart. Be an encourager.
That should keep me busy. : )
NOW I can go to bed. And will actually be able to sleep. Having this in writing means I have a reference. I have accountability. I have a clear description of my focus.
Happy Friday everyone!
6.06.2013
Working Momma
I know there are lots of families out there with situations far worse than mine, so please let me start this post by warning, I'm going to complain about my silly little life.
Late March starts the busy season for my husband. Life gets WILD. Imagine being a single mom, but then also having to cook (for a gluten allergy) for him, never knowing if he'll be eating at 5pm (before heading out for estimates) or at 10pm when he finally walks in the door for the evening. The laundry is horrendous. Muddy, covered in fuels, mulch, grease, eck. And worse - my allergies always hit this time of year so I have been wiped out either on allergy meds, or suffering through them...still trying to run the house, run my business, do his office work and raise the kids. All the while trying to be supportive of him because he not only is working 14-16 hour days 7 days a week, he is doing hard, strenuous labor. So, aside from an event here and there....we have been full go, 24-7, for over 2 months. I've barely even had time to talk to him.
Needless to say, I hit my breaking point this past weekend. And just as I'm feeling better (from the allergies) I came down with some weird stomach bug that had me laid up all day Sunday and Monday. When I get sick, I know I've hit the end of my rope. Praise the Good Lord no one else in our house got it. (which leads me to wonder if it truly was just me wearing myself down to nothing)
So we are coming out of the haze. The fog. The madness. Shane has been able to spend a little more time with us. Allergies are much better. Finn's school is done (more below). Summer is almost here. Its so close I can taste it. It tastes like ice cream and watermelon. : )
My work/photography schedule has naturally slowed for June/July. I'm actually excited about it. : ) Not sure if it will stay that way (which is fine too). We have a pool pass this year and I am so excited to play with my boys. Its Finn's last summer before he starts kindergarten - so I really want to remember it. Live it up. Enjoy it.
He graduated pre-school last week. In safety town this week. So grown up and getting so tall. It almost hurts me to look at him, wondering where my baby has gone. Miles still likes to snuggle all the time (my saving grace), but I realize, as I lay with the boys at bedtime, that Finn is needing less and less of that cuddle time. Its sad. But its good. He's growing, reaching out, becoming his own. I just never expected it to be so soon.
He deeply despises being in front of crowds. When they filed in for graduation he had the worst scowl on his face. LOL Only to get better by him hiding behind his hands the entire presentation.
Pre-Miles, Shane and I would really be bothered by this. Me especially since I did the majority of the child rearing. I would look at my life and ask - am I that much of an introvert? Surely I'm not modeling behavior that would warrant this type of response. : ) But Miles is in the same home, same womb, same structure and he is the outgoing charmer who would run up there and join them, then demand everyones attention by smiling, singing and dancing. : )
So now when I see Finn act this way, I smile and take a deep breath - this is HIM. Its OK. He is talented and wonderful is countless ways. Its ok for him to not like attention. I wish I would've given him (and myself) this grace much sooner. If I can offer some encouragement to any other moms out there with painfully shy children in being transparent about this...I hope I do.
Once we got to the park party after the ceremony and the children were playing while the adults mingled - he was perfectly fine.
But all of this observing had me thinking and obsessing about his school for fall. He's currently enrolled in our public system which hosts around 5 classrooms of kindergartners - with 20-25 kids per room. Full days (9-3). Excellent teachers, excellent ratings. My heart would beat faster and palms start sweating, thinking about my sweet, shy guy going into such a different environment than his one room, 12 person pre-school class he's had for two years.
I prayed and researched and am still in the process of confirming, but I have decided to send him to a private Christian school. 2 classes. Less than 15 kids. 3 half days, 2 full. So many reasons alone, besides the Godly influence that I am thrilled about, to make the investment in his education. THIS is why I work. This is why I stay up till 2am every night editing. THIS is for HIM. And I'm happy to do it.
I've had to wake him up every morning this week for Safety Town classes. It doesn't start till 9am, but you'd think it was 7. I just cannot motivate the kid! LOL His brain is on summer vacation. And I cannot wait till next week when we officially are DONE. He can rest as long as his heart desires in the mornings while I get up with Jumping Jack Miles at 6:30 every day. : )
Tonight we stayed home. No running. No visitors. No play dates. So Finn went for the sprinkler. And Miles was laughing harder than I've ever heard him at his older brother being silly. It was healing. Soothing. We needed it.
I was busy (of course....can't sit still) organizing things in the garage for a garage sale I hope to have this summer...sometime. I've been throwing things out in the garage as I have time to clean closets. It looked like our house vomited into the garage. I was embarrassed for my door to be open while the kids played. It was THAT bad. Its still bad - but at least there is some improvement. Till the sale, it will be what it will be.
I couldn't see the boys from the garage, but I could hear them....having the time of their lives.
When Finn came for the umbrella I couldn't resist any longer. I had to join the fun and take some photos. But I was a bit late - as it was getting darker and Finn was getting cold. Miles (the dry one) took the umbrella after Finn went in and decided to pose for me....over and over and over.
He is a HAM. He LOVES the camera. I actually had to grab him the one day at gym class because the instructor was trying to take photos of these cute little girls and Miles kept photo-bombing the frame! : ) He's FUN. And keeps all of us laughing...which is the perfect addition our shy, serious little Finn needed. God knows best! : )
Late March starts the busy season for my husband. Life gets WILD. Imagine being a single mom, but then also having to cook (for a gluten allergy) for him, never knowing if he'll be eating at 5pm (before heading out for estimates) or at 10pm when he finally walks in the door for the evening. The laundry is horrendous. Muddy, covered in fuels, mulch, grease, eck. And worse - my allergies always hit this time of year so I have been wiped out either on allergy meds, or suffering through them...still trying to run the house, run my business, do his office work and raise the kids. All the while trying to be supportive of him because he not only is working 14-16 hour days 7 days a week, he is doing hard, strenuous labor. So, aside from an event here and there....we have been full go, 24-7, for over 2 months. I've barely even had time to talk to him.
Needless to say, I hit my breaking point this past weekend. And just as I'm feeling better (from the allergies) I came down with some weird stomach bug that had me laid up all day Sunday and Monday. When I get sick, I know I've hit the end of my rope. Praise the Good Lord no one else in our house got it. (which leads me to wonder if it truly was just me wearing myself down to nothing)
So we are coming out of the haze. The fog. The madness. Shane has been able to spend a little more time with us. Allergies are much better. Finn's school is done (more below). Summer is almost here. Its so close I can taste it. It tastes like ice cream and watermelon. : )
My work/photography schedule has naturally slowed for June/July. I'm actually excited about it. : ) Not sure if it will stay that way (which is fine too). We have a pool pass this year and I am so excited to play with my boys. Its Finn's last summer before he starts kindergarten - so I really want to remember it. Live it up. Enjoy it.
He graduated pre-school last week. In safety town this week. So grown up and getting so tall. It almost hurts me to look at him, wondering where my baby has gone. Miles still likes to snuggle all the time (my saving grace), but I realize, as I lay with the boys at bedtime, that Finn is needing less and less of that cuddle time. Its sad. But its good. He's growing, reaching out, becoming his own. I just never expected it to be so soon.
He deeply despises being in front of crowds. When they filed in for graduation he had the worst scowl on his face. LOL Only to get better by him hiding behind his hands the entire presentation.
Pre-Miles, Shane and I would really be bothered by this. Me especially since I did the majority of the child rearing. I would look at my life and ask - am I that much of an introvert? Surely I'm not modeling behavior that would warrant this type of response. : ) But Miles is in the same home, same womb, same structure and he is the outgoing charmer who would run up there and join them, then demand everyones attention by smiling, singing and dancing. : )
So now when I see Finn act this way, I smile and take a deep breath - this is HIM. Its OK. He is talented and wonderful is countless ways. Its ok for him to not like attention. I wish I would've given him (and myself) this grace much sooner. If I can offer some encouragement to any other moms out there with painfully shy children in being transparent about this...I hope I do.
Once we got to the park party after the ceremony and the children were playing while the adults mingled - he was perfectly fine.
But all of this observing had me thinking and obsessing about his school for fall. He's currently enrolled in our public system which hosts around 5 classrooms of kindergartners - with 20-25 kids per room. Full days (9-3). Excellent teachers, excellent ratings. My heart would beat faster and palms start sweating, thinking about my sweet, shy guy going into such a different environment than his one room, 12 person pre-school class he's had for two years.
I prayed and researched and am still in the process of confirming, but I have decided to send him to a private Christian school. 2 classes. Less than 15 kids. 3 half days, 2 full. So many reasons alone, besides the Godly influence that I am thrilled about, to make the investment in his education. THIS is why I work. This is why I stay up till 2am every night editing. THIS is for HIM. And I'm happy to do it.
I've had to wake him up every morning this week for Safety Town classes. It doesn't start till 9am, but you'd think it was 7. I just cannot motivate the kid! LOL His brain is on summer vacation. And I cannot wait till next week when we officially are DONE. He can rest as long as his heart desires in the mornings while I get up with Jumping Jack Miles at 6:30 every day. : )
Tonight we stayed home. No running. No visitors. No play dates. So Finn went for the sprinkler. And Miles was laughing harder than I've ever heard him at his older brother being silly. It was healing. Soothing. We needed it.
I was busy (of course....can't sit still) organizing things in the garage for a garage sale I hope to have this summer...sometime. I've been throwing things out in the garage as I have time to clean closets. It looked like our house vomited into the garage. I was embarrassed for my door to be open while the kids played. It was THAT bad. Its still bad - but at least there is some improvement. Till the sale, it will be what it will be.
I couldn't see the boys from the garage, but I could hear them....having the time of their lives.
When Finn came for the umbrella I couldn't resist any longer. I had to join the fun and take some photos. But I was a bit late - as it was getting darker and Finn was getting cold. Miles (the dry one) took the umbrella after Finn went in and decided to pose for me....over and over and over.
He is a HAM. He LOVES the camera. I actually had to grab him the one day at gym class because the instructor was trying to take photos of these cute little girls and Miles kept photo-bombing the frame! : ) He's FUN. And keeps all of us laughing...which is the perfect addition our shy, serious little Finn needed. God knows best! : )
These are Finn's feet. : )
Miles now takes over...
{Miles still posing and making a "clicking" noise (like the camera does when it takes a picture : ) as I was walking in the house...wasn't ready to give it up!}
This weekend has sunshine in the forecast. We're heading for the pool. Let summer begin!
5.24.2013
I give
Mini-sessions were the other weekend. Last weekend, actually. But life has been such a blur that last weekend feels like it certainly must have been longer than just 7 short days ago.
I've been rising with kids somewhere between 6 and 7am. Shane is already gone. I use the word 'rising' loosely here as I don't technically have the energy to hit my feet to the floor till at least 7:30. But they are up so I am 'up' even if my eyes are still closed. : )
The days are filled, like everyone else's, with the never-ending lists and chores, responsibilities and work. If I'm lucky, I can sneak a nap with Miles on the bottom bunk while Finn plays on the ipad on the top. Dinner, outside play time, chores, baths, jammies, reading, prayers and bed. Somewhere in there I make dinner for Shane and leave it sit on the stove. At some point he'll come home to eat, but sometimes that isn't till after the boys are asleep. I then have the kitchen to clean, usually a few business items for Shane, emails, admin stuff and then....only then....do I get to sit down to edit.
Editing typically starts around 11pm. People wonder why I post so late at night. Well, its one of the few things I have in the course of a 'day' that is quiet, all mine and completely inspires me. I get wrapped up in the emotions in the images. Wrapped up in the love each family shares and I feel towards them. Wrapped up in getting each image just right. And no one is asking me for juice, needing assistance in the restroom, or making a colossal mess. Its just me and what I love to do.
Then suddenly I realize its TWO A.M. (or later)
So these are the days we're living. Thankful to be busy. Yet they are looooooooooooong. Right now, they are seven days a week, too. Shane has been working weekends since March. We are in desperate need of a break.
Its Memorial Day weekend...well, tomorrow (or today...its after midnight ; ). We have plans to go camping with two of my brothers (and their families) at Tappan Lake just south of here. I'm not sure if there will be cell service. I know I won't be up in front of anything (after the kids go to bed) but a campfire with laughter, s'mores, sweatshirts and a glass of wine. There will be hiking, boat riding, fishing and relaxing.
Shane asked if I wanted to divvy the weekend up between events. Parade. Picnic. Run, run, run.
no
I want to go there. I want to plant my feet on the ground and stay there till Monday afternoon. We are even staying in my brother's camper instead of taking ours. We're leaving it as well as our boat at home. Less work. I want to get off my phone, off my computer and into my kids world. I want to look at Shane (for more than 2 seconds) and hold his hand. I want to share stories, old and new, as the fire light dances across our faces. I want to see Shane and Finn go fishing together for the first time....wishing I could hear their conversation.
So this weekend, even tho I still have loads of editing to do from my mini-sessions & other sessions, I think I'm going to leave my computer at home. Unplug. Let my mind, body and soul have a break.
I give.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll take my original camera. The good ol' D50 and try to capture a few things. I managed to capture these the other night....and am so glad I did.
Happy Memorial Day! Hope you have a relaxing, peaceful, safe weekend. Thank you to all who have served (and are serving) our country....providing us 'civilians' with more blessings than we will ever appreciate or deserve. May God continue to bless America!
I've been rising with kids somewhere between 6 and 7am. Shane is already gone. I use the word 'rising' loosely here as I don't technically have the energy to hit my feet to the floor till at least 7:30. But they are up so I am 'up' even if my eyes are still closed. : )
The days are filled, like everyone else's, with the never-ending lists and chores, responsibilities and work. If I'm lucky, I can sneak a nap with Miles on the bottom bunk while Finn plays on the ipad on the top. Dinner, outside play time, chores, baths, jammies, reading, prayers and bed. Somewhere in there I make dinner for Shane and leave it sit on the stove. At some point he'll come home to eat, but sometimes that isn't till after the boys are asleep. I then have the kitchen to clean, usually a few business items for Shane, emails, admin stuff and then....only then....do I get to sit down to edit.
Editing typically starts around 11pm. People wonder why I post so late at night. Well, its one of the few things I have in the course of a 'day' that is quiet, all mine and completely inspires me. I get wrapped up in the emotions in the images. Wrapped up in the love each family shares and I feel towards them. Wrapped up in getting each image just right. And no one is asking me for juice, needing assistance in the restroom, or making a colossal mess. Its just me and what I love to do.
Then suddenly I realize its TWO A.M. (or later)
So these are the days we're living. Thankful to be busy. Yet they are looooooooooooong. Right now, they are seven days a week, too. Shane has been working weekends since March. We are in desperate need of a break.
Its Memorial Day weekend...well, tomorrow (or today...its after midnight ; ). We have plans to go camping with two of my brothers (and their families) at Tappan Lake just south of here. I'm not sure if there will be cell service. I know I won't be up in front of anything (after the kids go to bed) but a campfire with laughter, s'mores, sweatshirts and a glass of wine. There will be hiking, boat riding, fishing and relaxing.
Shane asked if I wanted to divvy the weekend up between events. Parade. Picnic. Run, run, run.
no
I want to go there. I want to plant my feet on the ground and stay there till Monday afternoon. We are even staying in my brother's camper instead of taking ours. We're leaving it as well as our boat at home. Less work. I want to get off my phone, off my computer and into my kids world. I want to look at Shane (for more than 2 seconds) and hold his hand. I want to share stories, old and new, as the fire light dances across our faces. I want to see Shane and Finn go fishing together for the first time....wishing I could hear their conversation.
So this weekend, even tho I still have loads of editing to do from my mini-sessions & other sessions, I think I'm going to leave my computer at home. Unplug. Let my mind, body and soul have a break.
I give.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll take my original camera. The good ol' D50 and try to capture a few things. I managed to capture these the other night....and am so glad I did.
Happy Memorial Day! Hope you have a relaxing, peaceful, safe weekend. Thank you to all who have served (and are serving) our country....providing us 'civilians' with more blessings than we will ever appreciate or deserve. May God continue to bless America!
5.13.2013
We Love Mom
What a weekend. I was blessed to celebrate 37 wonderful years as well as my 5th official Mother's day. Normally I wouldn't be so eager to share such information - as most times I share that I'm 29 and later (under my breath) add "for the 8th time." ; ) But this year, I'm ok with it. Thirty seven years of health, life, family, love and some hardships, aches, fears and heartbreaks along the way. Given everything we've endured this year, I'm thrilled to announce my age and my existence. : )
My cousin, Kelly, shared today that she is officially 2 years cancer free, thus her odds of recurrence drop tremendously. She's barely older than me. So yes, I will gladly scream that I'm THIRTY-SEVEN!! : ) And smile happily. Thankful to be here. To be healthy. To be happy. To be surrounded by the ones I love.
My husband works so hard. Too hard, in my opinion. I can't fault him as I'm wired the same. I get it...doesn't make it any easier to see him leave at 6am and come home around 8 or 9pm every day. Exhausted. Stressed. Feeling like he's behind and letting people down all day long. I ache for him.
Allergies this year have been horrific. I seem to have got my share, and then some. I can barely open my eyes in the morning...most days they are matted shut. I've broken down and turned on the a/c, heat at night, a/c again during the day....simply because I can't take it. I wait all winter for warmer weather. I LOVE the spring/fall. Summer is not my favorite....too hot and sticky. But spring/fall - LOVE. Windows open, fires at night, preparing the gardens for summer while the boys play. Yet here I am sitting inside with red, itchy eyes, foggy head (from meds), sneezing, sniffling, stuffy. Yes, I'm having a pity party for myself.
Point being...this weekend was not ideal. Between my 'illness' and Shane's work, we are a pair. He did take me on a dinner/movie date Friday. First time we went on a date, just us, in a long time. It was nice to sit and chat with him. About today, yesterday, our future, dreams. I'm reminded no matter how far apart life tears us, that I married my best friend.
I had to run out today for some errands. Shane took the boys for a bike ride after he got home and played outside (as I cannot do this with them right now : (. I came home later to find this....
Perfect.
Often I get in moods of complaining. Anyone with me? About his schedule, about my allergies, about being busy, about any and every thing I can think of. I can't stand to hear myself. And when I get this way I think....I need to spend some time in the Word. This life isn't about me! Its such an easy, human, trap to fall into, isn't it? Especially on weekends like this....birthday and Mother's Day. Too much pressure. LOL.
Some other mom's were celebrated today with lots of family time, garden time, dined, pampered, showered with flowers. Part of me can't help but feel sorry for myself...with swollen eyes, doing office work, laundry and trying to entertain the kids inside while Shane worked all day. Running out tonight, only to get more allergy medication, drop mail off, pick up take-out and head home. Getting the boys to bed to come down and spend some more 'quality time' with my husband while I do payroll and he writes up estimates at the kitchen table. Being business owners has its perks for sure....but not this time of year. I constantly remind myself that I am thankful for the work. The Lord is providing...we will work.
Instead, I'm choosing joy. I'm choosing gratitude. I'm choosing to have a thankful and full heart, as we are so blessed. I have an amazing mom, a wonderful step-mom, a thoughtful mother-in-law. My kids are showered with their love. I have healthy, happy boys. I have a husband who would break his back to provide for us (and practically is). And even in the midst of his stressful schedule, he took time for me, he brought me gifts, he drew me chalk art in the driveway. : )
I have countless blessings. Countless. I'm here (and healthy). I'm 37. I'm happily married. I'm a proud momma of two beautiful boys. I'm the daughter of the most amazing Father in heaven and one very fine woman here. I am thankful....I'm so very thankful that there are people who "love mom", and that mom is *me*.
Happy Mother's day everyone.
My cousin, Kelly, shared today that she is officially 2 years cancer free, thus her odds of recurrence drop tremendously. She's barely older than me. So yes, I will gladly scream that I'm THIRTY-SEVEN!! : ) And smile happily. Thankful to be here. To be healthy. To be happy. To be surrounded by the ones I love.
My husband works so hard. Too hard, in my opinion. I can't fault him as I'm wired the same. I get it...doesn't make it any easier to see him leave at 6am and come home around 8 or 9pm every day. Exhausted. Stressed. Feeling like he's behind and letting people down all day long. I ache for him.
Allergies this year have been horrific. I seem to have got my share, and then some. I can barely open my eyes in the morning...most days they are matted shut. I've broken down and turned on the a/c, heat at night, a/c again during the day....simply because I can't take it. I wait all winter for warmer weather. I LOVE the spring/fall. Summer is not my favorite....too hot and sticky. But spring/fall - LOVE. Windows open, fires at night, preparing the gardens for summer while the boys play. Yet here I am sitting inside with red, itchy eyes, foggy head (from meds), sneezing, sniffling, stuffy. Yes, I'm having a pity party for myself.
Point being...this weekend was not ideal. Between my 'illness' and Shane's work, we are a pair. He did take me on a dinner/movie date Friday. First time we went on a date, just us, in a long time. It was nice to sit and chat with him. About today, yesterday, our future, dreams. I'm reminded no matter how far apart life tears us, that I married my best friend.
I had to run out today for some errands. Shane took the boys for a bike ride after he got home and played outside (as I cannot do this with them right now : (. I came home later to find this....
Perfect.
Often I get in moods of complaining. Anyone with me? About his schedule, about my allergies, about being busy, about any and every thing I can think of. I can't stand to hear myself. And when I get this way I think....I need to spend some time in the Word. This life isn't about me! Its such an easy, human, trap to fall into, isn't it? Especially on weekends like this....birthday and Mother's Day. Too much pressure. LOL.
Some other mom's were celebrated today with lots of family time, garden time, dined, pampered, showered with flowers. Part of me can't help but feel sorry for myself...with swollen eyes, doing office work, laundry and trying to entertain the kids inside while Shane worked all day. Running out tonight, only to get more allergy medication, drop mail off, pick up take-out and head home. Getting the boys to bed to come down and spend some more 'quality time' with my husband while I do payroll and he writes up estimates at the kitchen table. Being business owners has its perks for sure....but not this time of year. I constantly remind myself that I am thankful for the work. The Lord is providing...we will work.
Instead, I'm choosing joy. I'm choosing gratitude. I'm choosing to have a thankful and full heart, as we are so blessed. I have an amazing mom, a wonderful step-mom, a thoughtful mother-in-law. My kids are showered with their love. I have healthy, happy boys. I have a husband who would break his back to provide for us (and practically is). And even in the midst of his stressful schedule, he took time for me, he brought me gifts, he drew me chalk art in the driveway. : )
I have countless blessings. Countless. I'm here (and healthy). I'm 37. I'm happily married. I'm a proud momma of two beautiful boys. I'm the daughter of the most amazing Father in heaven and one very fine woman here. I am thankful....I'm so very thankful that there are people who "love mom", and that mom is *me*.
Happy Mother's day everyone.
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