I give

Mini-sessions were the other weekend.  Last weekend, actually.  But life has been such a blur that last weekend feels like it certainly must have been longer than just 7 short days ago.

I've been rising with kids somewhere between 6 and 7am.  Shane is already gone.  I use the word 'rising' loosely here as I don't technically have the energy to hit my feet to the floor till at least 7:30.  But they are up so I am 'up' even if my eyes are still closed. : )

The days are filled, like everyone else's, with the never-ending lists and chores, responsibilities and work.  If I'm lucky, I can sneak a nap with Miles on the bottom bunk while Finn plays on the ipad on the top.  Dinner, outside play time, chores, baths, jammies, reading, prayers and bed. Somewhere in there I make dinner for Shane and leave it sit on the stove.  At some point he'll come home to eat, but sometimes that isn't till after the boys are asleep.  I then have the kitchen to clean, usually a few business items for Shane, emails, admin stuff and then....only then....do I get to sit down to edit.

Editing typically starts around 11pm.  People wonder why I post so late at night.  Well, its one of the few things I have in the course of a 'day' that is quiet, all mine and completely inspires me.  I get wrapped up in the emotions in the images.  Wrapped up in the love each family shares and I feel towards them.  Wrapped up in getting each image just right.  And no one is asking me for juice, needing assistance in the restroom, or making a colossal mess.  Its just me and what I love to do.

Then suddenly I realize its TWO A.M. (or later)

So these are the days we're living.  Thankful to be busy.  Yet they are looooooooooooong.  Right now, they are seven days a week, too.  Shane has been working weekends since March.  We are in desperate need of a break.

Its Memorial Day weekend...well, tomorrow (or today...its after midnight ; ).  We have plans to go camping with two of my brothers (and their families) at Tappan Lake just south of here.  I'm not sure if there will be cell service.  I know I won't be up in front of anything (after the kids go to bed) but a campfire with laughter, s'mores, sweatshirts and a glass of wine.  There will be hiking, boat riding, fishing and relaxing.

Shane asked if I wanted to divvy the weekend up between events.  Parade. Picnic. Run, run, run.

no

I want to go there.  I want to plant my feet on the ground and stay there till Monday afternoon.  We are even staying in my brother's camper instead of taking ours.  We're leaving it as well as our boat at home.  Less work.  I want to get off my phone, off my computer and into my kids world.  I want to look at Shane (for more than 2 seconds) and hold his hand.  I want to share stories, old and new, as the fire light dances across our faces.  I want to see Shane and Finn go fishing together for the first time....wishing I could hear their conversation.

So this weekend, even tho I still have loads of editing to do from my mini-sessions & other sessions, I think I'm going to leave my computer at home.  Unplug.  Let my mind, body and soul have a break.

I give.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll take my original camera.  The good ol' D50 and try to capture a few things.  I managed to capture these the other night....and am so glad I did.

Happy Memorial Day!  Hope you have a relaxing, peaceful, safe weekend.  Thank you to all who have served (and are serving) our country....providing us 'civilians' with more blessings than we will ever appreciate or deserve.  May God continue to bless America!

We Love Mom

What a weekend.  I was blessed to celebrate 37 wonderful years as well as my 5th official Mother's day.  Normally I wouldn't be so eager to share such information - as most times I share that I'm 29 and later (under my breath) add "for the 8th time."  ; )  But this year, I'm ok with it.  Thirty seven years of health, life, family, love and some hardships, aches, fears and heartbreaks along the way.  Given everything we've endured this year, I'm thrilled to announce my age and my existence.  : )

My cousin, Kelly, shared today that she is officially 2 years cancer free, thus her odds of recurrence drop tremendously.  She's barely older than me.  So yes, I will gladly scream that I'm THIRTY-SEVEN!! : ) And smile happily.  Thankful to be here.  To be healthy.  To be happy.  To be surrounded by the ones I love.

My husband works so hard.  Too hard, in my opinion.  I can't fault him as I'm wired the same.  I get it...doesn't make it any easier to see him leave at 6am and come home around 8 or 9pm every day.  Exhausted.  Stressed.  Feeling like he's behind and letting people down all day long.  I ache for him.

Allergies this year have been horrific.  I seem to have got my share, and then some.  I can barely open my eyes in the morning...most days they are matted shut.  I've broken down and turned on the a/c, heat at night, a/c again during the day....simply because I can't take it.  I wait all winter for warmer weather.  I LOVE the spring/fall.  Summer is not my favorite....too hot and sticky.  But spring/fall - LOVE.  Windows open, fires at night, preparing the gardens for summer while the boys play.  Yet here I am sitting inside with red, itchy eyes, foggy head (from meds), sneezing, sniffling, stuffy.  Yes, I'm having a pity party for myself.

Point being...this weekend was not ideal.  Between my 'illness' and Shane's work, we are a pair.  He did take me on a dinner/movie date Friday.  First time we went on a date, just us, in a long time.  It was nice to sit and chat with him.  About today, yesterday, our future, dreams.  I'm reminded no matter how far apart life tears us, that I married my best friend.

I had to run out today for some errands.  Shane took the boys for a bike ride after he got home and played outside (as I cannot do this with them right now : (.  I came home later to find this....

Perfect.

Often I get in moods of complaining.  Anyone with me?  About his schedule, about my allergies, about being busy, about any and every thing I can think of.  I can't stand to hear myself.  And when I get this way I think....I need to spend some time in the Word.  This life isn't about me!  Its such an easy, human, trap to fall into, isn't it?  Especially on weekends like this....birthday and Mother's Day.  Too much pressure.  LOL.

Some other mom's were celebrated today with lots of family time, garden time, dined, pampered, showered with flowers.  Part of me can't help but feel sorry for myself...with swollen eyes, doing office work, laundry and trying to entertain the kids inside while Shane worked all day.  Running out tonight, only to get more allergy medication, drop mail off, pick up take-out and head home.  Getting the boys to bed to come down and spend some more 'quality time' with my husband while I do payroll and he writes up estimates at the kitchen table.  Being business owners has its perks for sure....but not this time of year.  I constantly remind myself that I am thankful for the work.  The Lord is providing...we will work.

Instead, I'm choosing joy.  I'm choosing gratitude.  I'm choosing to have a thankful and full heart, as we are so blessed.  I have an amazing mom, a wonderful step-mom, a thoughtful mother-in-law.  My kids are showered with their love.  I have healthy, happy boys.  I have a husband who would break his back to provide for us (and practically is). And even in the midst of his stressful schedule, he took time for me, he brought me gifts, he drew me chalk art in the driveway. : )

I have countless blessings.  Countless.  I'm here (and healthy).  I'm 37.  I'm happily married.  I'm a proud momma of two beautiful boys.  I'm the daughter of the most amazing Father in heaven and one very fine woman here.  I am thankful....I'm so very thankful that there are people who "love mom", and that mom is *me*.

Happy Mother's day everyone.

Family Tighes

My mom comes from a family of 7.  Her dad (my grandfather) from another family of seven.  Believe it or not, we have all - from their generation down, kept in touch.  I don't know all of my extended cousins closely...but some I do.  Every 5 years or so we have a reunion and get everyone together for a "Tighe's Tied Tightly" shindig.

Relationships have ebb and flow.  I'm not proud to say that there were times in my life when I pulled away.  Times when I didn't appreciate the blessing.  Times when I was too self-invloved. Especially through all of my growing and changing from teenager to adult to mother of my own children. But the nice thing about being at this stage in life....I get it.  I think we all do.  All of my cousins are now late 20's or better and most of us have families of our own.  Once again we have so much in common....just like when we were kids sledding down my Aunt Celia's front yard at Christmas parties.  We are all in the same boat....life.

This weekend we buried my Uncle Mike Antro. And even tho my Uncle Don was the first of our immediate family to pass....it was years ago and he lived in AZ so I was too naive to understand. Too young to grasp the impact.  Too focused on myself to understand my cousin's pain in losing their father.    Now, however, I get it.  I get the pain of losing a parent. I am a parent.  I get the pain of losing a spouse.  My heart broke this weekend not only for my Uncle Mike's family, but also for my Uncle Don's family....realizing that this must be hitting home, once again.

So unfortunately, this weekend my cousins and I had something in common again.  Only this time it wasn't swimming at Papa's lake and popsicles, it was grief.  Sadness.  Realization that we are all getting older and that the mortality of this world will bring us back together in the years to come under these circumstances again and again. It is hard. Heavy. Yet hopeful.

One thing I can say about my family is we have a strong network of prayer warriors.  I found out this weekend that my Uncle Mike said the rosary EVERY DAY.  He volunteered and helped out in ways that I had never known.  His humble heart.  He spoke to and caressed the bellies of his unborn grandbabies so that as soon as he could, he would hold them and they would be comforted in the familiarity of his arms.  He's a retired police officer.  A body builder.  A quiet, gentle, noble soul.

So we are hopeful.  We will one day all be through this cycle of life and reunited in a better place through God's promise and Jesus Christ.  I love how Mike's son posted on facebook that he now has to spend the rest of his life trying to get to the same place as his father....by faith, by forgiveness, by love.

With my iphone, I snapped some shots of family after the wake at dinner.  I somehow missed Jerry's family...think they came later?  And I don't know how I missed Jason's family either? Sorry boys.  But I did manage to get some photos to share.

Uncle Carl, Molly, Eric

Kaden (Kevin), Finn (me), Bella (Dave) - next generation of cousins

Melissa & Sydney (Kevin)

Aunt Celia, Aunt Veronica, Patti and Aunt Martha

Aunt Roberta, Kurt & Uncle Jim

Dave & Mike

Sarah (Mike), Tom and Madi (Tom's daughter...not date ; )  LOL

Mike & Sarah

Shannon, Dr. Ry Guy, Nikki & Terri

Eric, Janelle, Emma (Molly), Morgan & Payten

Tom, Madi, Joan (Mom) & Dave

Shannon, Uncle Mark, Aunt Chris, Uncle Mike Tighe, Kevin

Martha & Uncle Carl

Some more candid stuff...like Uncle Carl helping my husband, Shane, tie his tie.  The landscaper needed some help.  ; )

Long live the bond with UCAT.  Carl & I have been buddies since I was a little girl. My mom and I would stay with Sara & him for 3-4 wks every summer.  

Watching Carl now with my kids was such a treat.  He's 82 years young and still acts like a 5 year old, so they got along GREAT.  : )  Finn even asked him if he'd like to bunk with him and Miles one night.  

We could not have asked for better weather.  The AZ and NC relatives who came in for the services hit our best weekend yet.  Carl, Molly & Emma stayed with us, so we took advantage of the sunshine and hit Brandywine Falls trail Sunday morning.  The kids loved it.  

Molly & I (and Miles distracted.  : )

Finn showed Emma where the treasure is buried. 

I feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of such a large, loving, faithful, loyal family.  If I could have 5 more kids, I would....in hopes that the legacy would continue.  It was so nice to see everyone this weekend, despite the heartbreaking reason.  Every time we're together, I learn more about life.  Listening to my uncles stories about Mike.  Watching them cry...and crying with them.  Laughing till we cried again.  I love all of them.  What a beautiful reminder, once again, for me to embrace the ones I love.

I lived

If you haven't purchased the new CD, Native, by One Republic...I highly recommend you do.  You'll thank me later. ; ) One of my favorite songs on it is track 5, "I Lived".

Hope if everybody runs....you choose to stay
hope that you fall in love and it hurts so bad
the only way you can know is to give it all you have
I hope that you don't suffer, but take the pain
hope when the moment comes, you'll say
I did it all.  I did it all.
I owned every second that this world could give
Saw so many places and things that I did
with every broken bone...I swear I lived.

My Uncle Mike passed unexpectedly this morning.  He's married to my mom's sister.  There are 7 in their family.  We lost my uncle Don several years back....I was too young to grasp it.  This year I lost my aunt on my dad's side and now my uncle on my mom's side.  At this phase of life, I get it.  And I am crushed.

Five.  Five funerals since January.  49 year old friend with a sudden heart attack.  My dad's cousin.  Shane's work associate.  My aunt and now my uncle.  Not to mention so many illnesses and heartaches that I can barely keep track of them all for prayer time....I've made a list.

So I have vowed to take more photos of my kids.  Vowed to journal more....here.  Vowed to lay it all on the line.  Vulnerable.  Forgiveness.  Transparency.  Why?  Because.  We are all in this together, right?  We are all just walking each day to its fullest, never know what the next turn will bring.  Life is too short for grudges, fear and insecurities.

That being said...I have been snapping photos of my boys this month.  Going to share some of our world with you.  Some of spring.  God's beauty...the new life after the dead of winter.  I broke out my oldie but goodie - the D50 and my 1.8/50mm lens.  Neither of which I use professionally anymore.  Haven't for some time.  I decided to put them to good use.

These photos are freedom for me.  They are not tact sharp.  They are not perfect light.  They are real.  Raw.  Us.

Simple little things....like lunchtime.

And wrestling on the couch first thing in the morning.

Running pant-less around the living room - jumping on mommy's yoga ball.

Baby toes.  Miles loves bare feet as much as I did as a kid.  He cries when I put shoes on him.  So glad its finally getting warmer where he can just run...

Ohio springtime goes from this....

to this in 5 minutes.

This is all I really see of Finn these days.  He's 100mph.

But still LOVES his chocolate.  Especially chocolate muffins from Granny.  : )

Spring time is so promising.  New life.  Something that was 'dead' over winter, reborn into beautiful spring.

Crazy boys...

Nature's amazing bouquet of colors.

Little boys, basket balls, and mud puddles.

Babies chasing the camera saying 'CHEEEEEEEEESE'

Finding more mud to splash our bare feet in....

This weekend will be hard.  But I am reminded by my cousins, aunts, uncles, great uncle, siblings and parents....as we all put our busy lives aside, stop and take a few days to support our loved ones suffering the loss of their husband, father, grandfather....that life goes on.  And in the sadness of loss....we gather to celebrate life.  I'm grieved by our loss.  I'm thankful to see the ones I love this weekend.  Godspeed Uncle Mike.  I know you're dancing in heaven.