It's 4:52am. I've been up since 4 something... Laying, waiting to fall back asleep....yet the world is quiet....calm. I can't escape the peace. PEACE. Something our world today so rarely encounters.
God is with us. Emmanuel. Heaven opens, a babe arrives. Tiny. Gentle. Sweet.
Oh, ever, so sweet.
Cars hurry, internet is constant, video games in abundance, activities are endless. Hustle, bustle. Not just in preparation for the holidays, but suddenly...its year round.
I've noticed the slow rise of white noise in the mornings. As the cars gather in rows heading to jobs, creating a steady hum. But today....quiet. Peace.
What do you love most about Christmas?
I love the stillness. The world never fully stops....but today is the ONLY day that it comes close.
Stillness.
Stores close. Families gather. Food is prepared, not bought in boxes. Stories are told, and created new. Traditions passed down. Friends cherished. Love shared.
For one day...the old world, meets new.
I often wish I lived in an era where life was simpler. No tablets, no internet, no cell phones. Even a time similar to when I grew up would suffice. Just a few steps backward.
But we march forward. Pushing, changing, wanting, searching, longing.....for what?
Today. The babe...wrapped in swaddling clothes. Lying in a manger. Heaven bestows a gift.
THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL TIME.
Finn set the timer on the iPad last night. He asked us what an appropriate time would be to wake up today. : ) Then he counted the hours (with daddy's help) and set the alarm. Its sitting on his headstand. Waiting....
The world waits...no longer!
God is with us!!! Emmanuel!!
Rejoyce!!
I lie in bed....praying. Thinking of all the abundant blessings I have...and all the worries and fears I carry. I cry. I smile.
If you know me at all, you know I'm not a morning person.
Today, tho, I felt called to rise. The one day of the year when PEACE has fallen into our dark world. LOVE is brought through a baby. JOY is gifted....to all of us.
Rise.
Rise and enjoy. Read the Christmas story in Luke. Sit. Simmer....in the beautiful story and blessing of Christ.
My Christmas prayer is for each of you to know Him. To meet him today at the manger. To reach out your yearning hearts and dare to find him....in the scriptures. On the pages. Not through church. Not through Facebook messages. Not through oceans of gifts and mounds of wrapping paper.
In YOU.
In the stillness. Find Luke 2...read it...Find Him....in YOU.
Jesus came for YOU. and ME.
He's waiting....in the stillness. Calm. Loving. Unending. Unbreakable.
Today you can hear him....the world is calm. The world is bright.
He's here. Amen!!
God is with us!!
Rejoyce!
Merriest Christmas to you and yours ~ xoxo
12.25.2014
12.14.2014
Where feet may fail...
Have you heard the song "Oceans" by Hillsong? It plays on repeat in my head....
where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you never fail!! And you won't stop now!
I am gripping hard to these words and God's promises. Peace. Only He can bring.
When life gives you a large dose of uncertainty...the only place to go is on your knees.
where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you never fail!! And you won't stop now!
I am gripping hard to these words and God's promises. Peace. Only He can bring.
When life gives you a large dose of uncertainty...the only place to go is on your knees.
11.28.2014
Beloved, fair child
I woke up this morning to a sweet voice..."Mom?" Yes babe. "I'm going to get you something special. I'll be right back."
Get ME something special....its YOUR birthday?!
Moments later Finn arrives at my bedside. His long body trying to crawl in and snuggle under the covers and cuddle me like he did when he was a foot shorter.
"I brought you 4 quarters from my piggy bank, mom & dad (4 quarters each, that is). I brought them for you as a prize. Because you both work so much and so hard....you deserve a special prize. I love you."
I automatically respond with a "thank you" as I'm still trying to take in what just happened. My little guy wakes up on his birthday with a heart to gift me?! From his own piggy bank!?
This is how life has been with Finn since day one. I remember rocking him to sleep as a baby and I could feel his depth & innocence & love beaming from him. Wondering why God would put him in my arms? Me? He is so special...won't I mess him up?! I have definitely learned more from Finn than he has from me. He is a gift....we cherish him. Always grounding our family. Always reminding us to love. The responsible one. The thinker. With a heart overflowing with compassion.
Today we celebrated his 7th birthday. I have no idea where the time went. SEVEN.
Flashes of memories fly through my head. He looks so grown up now. So mature. Such a boy, on the cusp of adolescence. Wishing I could just freeze time for a bit....as it all goes too fast.
The neighbors invited us over for dinner today. With daddy working so much, we love staying home on Thanksgiving and relaxing. We've grown into the tradition of doing this...as we celebrate over the weekend with our extended family. We've spent the last 3 years with our neighbors. They are extended family too. : ) We love them dearly and have been so blessed to have them next door.
So we had them over for breakfast since they were hosting dinner. They brought Finn a gift. Miles was so excited when he saw the present....Finn let him help open the present. And although I was distracted by conversation, I could hear them talking about it and unwrapping everything....so sweet.
Of course there were some moments of 'brotherly love' in sharing the new toy. But then moments later, when I gave Finn the gift from Shane & I, he took off with it to open upstairs....so Miles could help. "Because he really likes to open them mom."
Again, I'm reminded of how special this boy is....and that I have nothing to do with it. Its just Finn. Wanting to make someone else feel good. Always giving...
I flash back...suddenly remember the time when Miles was playing a racing arcade game...too small to reach the pedals and perfectly fine watching the demo. Finn came over and put his OWN money in, crawled under the seat, pushed the pedal down the whole time....just so Miles could really race.
When we had Finn, we named him David Finn...we liked the sound of that better than Finn David. And as I looked up the meaning of his name...."Beloved fair child." I thought, if he gets my coloring, it'll be perfect. But if he looks like Shane, we may want to rethink. ; )
He has grown into every bit of that meaning. I remember the pastor telling me at his dedication (as he looked at his name) that he had a powerful name....special. Finn is that, in every sense.
So I wanted to take a moment today and remember some of these sweet things. To share a bit of what Finn is like right now...what he's into. Here we go....
Finn LOVES his new 'gear' bike he got this summer. You would've thought Shane told him he stepped into manhood when he gave it to him.
He loves his scooter too. Especially riding it through the mud. ; )
He loves our dog. He snuggles her, feeds her, walks her, takes care of her....I love watching him with her. They're the best of buds.
Finn is always looking to help others. I have to stop myself from being so 'busy' sometimes and really LISTEN to him. He talks so much that I find myself saying 'uh-huh' all the time. But when I really listen....I am humbled by his thinking. There is so much going on in that cute head of his. All. the. time.
He has a memory like no other. It only takes one time of explaining something to Finn (like Shane showing him how to put the chain back on his bike when it pops off) and he's got it.
He comes off very shy in new circumstances, but if you let him warm up to you on his own terms, he'll be worth the wait. He has amazing intuition on people and is slow to warm up, but once you know him....he has a way of capturing your heart.
He's so innocent and honest. I can always rely on him to know whats going on. He tells on himself all the time...which I've had to learn how to handle carefully such that I don't ruin his transparency!
He's a gentleman. He holds doors for me (and others)...most of the time. ; ) He helps me carry things. Offers to pitch in. He likes to feel accomplished and useful.
We love our Finn. We are so thankful for him. Today was the perfect day to celebrate him....
**I'm thankful for these pics my friend took of us. We had family photos done earlier in the year...this was an evening I went to just play with the boys. I treasure these images! : )**
Praying for him tonight as he starts another year of life....and all the adventures it will entail. I'm honored to be a part of them.
Get ME something special....its YOUR birthday?!
Moments later Finn arrives at my bedside. His long body trying to crawl in and snuggle under the covers and cuddle me like he did when he was a foot shorter.
"I brought you 4 quarters from my piggy bank, mom & dad (4 quarters each, that is). I brought them for you as a prize. Because you both work so much and so hard....you deserve a special prize. I love you."
I automatically respond with a "thank you" as I'm still trying to take in what just happened. My little guy wakes up on his birthday with a heart to gift me?! From his own piggy bank!?
This is how life has been with Finn since day one. I remember rocking him to sleep as a baby and I could feel his depth & innocence & love beaming from him. Wondering why God would put him in my arms? Me? He is so special...won't I mess him up?! I have definitely learned more from Finn than he has from me. He is a gift....we cherish him. Always grounding our family. Always reminding us to love. The responsible one. The thinker. With a heart overflowing with compassion.
Today we celebrated his 7th birthday. I have no idea where the time went. SEVEN.
Flashes of memories fly through my head. He looks so grown up now. So mature. Such a boy, on the cusp of adolescence. Wishing I could just freeze time for a bit....as it all goes too fast.
So we had them over for breakfast since they were hosting dinner. They brought Finn a gift. Miles was so excited when he saw the present....Finn let him help open the present. And although I was distracted by conversation, I could hear them talking about it and unwrapping everything....so sweet.
Of course there were some moments of 'brotherly love' in sharing the new toy. But then moments later, when I gave Finn the gift from Shane & I, he took off with it to open upstairs....so Miles could help. "Because he really likes to open them mom."
Again, I'm reminded of how special this boy is....and that I have nothing to do with it. Its just Finn. Wanting to make someone else feel good. Always giving...
I flash back...suddenly remember the time when Miles was playing a racing arcade game...too small to reach the pedals and perfectly fine watching the demo. Finn came over and put his OWN money in, crawled under the seat, pushed the pedal down the whole time....just so Miles could really race.
When we had Finn, we named him David Finn...we liked the sound of that better than Finn David. And as I looked up the meaning of his name...."Beloved fair child." I thought, if he gets my coloring, it'll be perfect. But if he looks like Shane, we may want to rethink. ; )
He has grown into every bit of that meaning. I remember the pastor telling me at his dedication (as he looked at his name) that he had a powerful name....special. Finn is that, in every sense.
So I wanted to take a moment today and remember some of these sweet things. To share a bit of what Finn is like right now...what he's into. Here we go....
Finn LOVES his new 'gear' bike he got this summer. You would've thought Shane told him he stepped into manhood when he gave it to him.
He loves his scooter too. Especially riding it through the mud. ; )
He loves our dog. He snuggles her, feeds her, walks her, takes care of her....I love watching him with her. They're the best of buds.
Finn is always looking to help others. I have to stop myself from being so 'busy' sometimes and really LISTEN to him. He talks so much that I find myself saying 'uh-huh' all the time. But when I really listen....I am humbled by his thinking. There is so much going on in that cute head of his. All. the. time.
He has a memory like no other. It only takes one time of explaining something to Finn (like Shane showing him how to put the chain back on his bike when it pops off) and he's got it.
He comes off very shy in new circumstances, but if you let him warm up to you on his own terms, he'll be worth the wait. He has amazing intuition on people and is slow to warm up, but once you know him....he has a way of capturing your heart.
He's so innocent and honest. I can always rely on him to know whats going on. He tells on himself all the time...which I've had to learn how to handle carefully such that I don't ruin his transparency!
He's a gentleman. He holds doors for me (and others)...most of the time. ; ) He helps me carry things. Offers to pitch in. He likes to feel accomplished and useful.
We love our Finn. We are so thankful for him. Today was the perfect day to celebrate him....
**I'm thankful for these pics my friend took of us. We had family photos done earlier in the year...this was an evening I went to just play with the boys. I treasure these images! : )**
Praying for him tonight as he starts another year of life....and all the adventures it will entail. I'm honored to be a part of them.
10.24.2014
Agape Love
I've been a stepmom for over 8 years now. Failing a good portion of those. I can never seem to wrap my head around what I'm supposed to do. How much I'm supposed to be? Give? Expect in return? And mostly, I've felt alone. Very, very, alone. Every time I've brought up the topic to others...its taboo.
I recently traveled home from a business trip and while on the airport transportation bus....they had christian talk radio playing. I started listening. A woman telling her story with the most beautiful transparency.
She said that her and her husband felt the call to adopt. So they adopted....brothers. The oldest one gave her a hell of a time. Outspoken, mouthy, disobedient, cold. He was a constant challenge, to say the least.
One day she called her husband and sobbed....saying how she thought she made a mistake. She didn't feel love for this boy. She felt exhausted. She felt scared. She felt like she was failing. She had my attention as I flashed back to all of those same gripping and paralyzing feelings. I have always loved Hudson the best I knew...but often felt scared, exhausted and like a failure. I would gladly give him what I give my kids...but he has never wanted it.
Her husband spoke back to her with wisdom only God could provide. He said....you ARE loving him. With agape love. Every time you feed him, hug him, wash his clothes, make sure he is bathed, homework done, thriving. You ARE loving him....and loving him well.
I cried.
People on the bus must have thought I was crazy. But never before had anyone (in 8 years) spoke to my heart with such clarification.
I have been told by multiple sources (including some of my closest loved ones) that I am a horrible stepmom. That I don't care. That I don't do enough. That I am too hard on him and myself. That I expect too much.
I have carried a huge burden for 8 years....that I screwed this up. Royally. And I'm sure in many ways I have.
However, hearing that I loved him through God's agape ways...through providing things for him only a mom can give in the best ways I could....in the ways he'd allow me to. It lifted this heavy, dead, weight that I felt was hanging on my chest for EIGHT YEARS.
Failure...I know I failed. But redemption....in the times that I'd hold and rock him when he cried. When I made foods that he liked in addition to our meal. When I'd read to him at night. When I helped him with his homework. Washing his clothes. Amongst all the other gazillion little things moms do for their kids. The things no one saw or noticed. The things that most moms get payment for through hugs, kisses and love....but a stepmom just pours out continuously without replenishment.
I got to thinking....how many other step moms out there feel the same? Have heard the same? Struggle in the same ways?! And the most beautiful part of this story telling....she had adopted her son and felt these things. Adopted! I always thought that adoption would be easier...but people everywhere are in situations that they cannot control. They have doubts. Fears. Frustrations. Disappointments. Its ok to feel all of those things.
Yet how often is it ok to hear these things come from a stepmom without judgement and criticism?
Motherhood is hard as is. My own kids can drive me crazy....usually on a daily basis. I raised my stepson for the first 5 years of our marriage full time. I have lots of things I wish I did differently. But I cannot afford to harbor regret. Or unforgiveness. Who would that help? So I have kept pressing on.
But that day, on the bus....it changed. Something changed for me and released so much of my pain. And I pray in this release that I'll now be able to be a better stepmom to him.
I truly hope that some day he and I will get to a point in our relationship that its easy. Where we can enjoy each other. I know he most certainly does not enjoy me at this stage in the game. Which I'm ok with...and have accepted. And thanks to this radio show, I have peace in knowing that I can still love him with agape ways even if we don't have a close/communicative relationship.
It is still a challenge to know how much I can step in when he's here....and how much to back off.
How much do I try to do things for him like his own mom does (cooking, food, clothes, rules) or do I implement the lifestyle we have with our kids?
I have a stepmom myself. She's a saint. She's put up with so much crap from our family. We aren't easy. We aren't always gracious either. I love my time with her when we're together....she truly is a gem. Yet its not a natural thing for me to reach out to her on a regular basis like I do my mom. Its no one's fault/doing....its just the nature of our beings.
Knowing this...I try to wait for Hudson's lead. If he approaches me for a hug....I give it. I hold on till he pulls away. But I don't pressure him for hugs anymore....as it often turns out awkward for all. It can't feel natural for him to snuggle me the way my kids do. He has a mom who gives him all those things. Maybe some day he'll want them from me, too.
All this being said...I am thinking of starting a blog. I've felt a calling to write about step parenting for some time now. But never felt like I had anything much to say....worth listening to anyways. But what I think God wants me to do is just encourage. Offer transparency and brokenness....in hopes that it may help someone. Anyone.
So hopefully this entry helped one. Just one.
Someone out there feels defeated, drained and frustrated. That someone heard that even in the midst of all these ugly emotions....there is grace in the agape love they continually give. Bless your sweet heart. You are not alone.
So hopefully this entry helped one. Just one.
Someone out there feels defeated, drained and frustrated. That someone heard that even in the midst of all these ugly emotions....there is grace in the agape love they continually give. Bless your sweet heart. You are not alone.
10.03.2014
Fearless
If you've read my blog at all, you have probably gotten to know my heart and mind....which never shut off. They process things, emotions, past, present and future constantly. And as I grow older (and what I hope to be wiser ; ), I am realizing how many of us face some of the challenges and fears that I face daily...thus why aren't we talking about it?
My life has been altered and sheltered and contained out of FEAR.
I look back at my life and I have been so incredibly, abundantly blessed. And I'm not saying this is a proud, nanner-nanner-nanner, kind of way. I say this in a reassuring, lesson-learned, need to embrace it kind of way. Sure, I've faced loss, heartache, grief, sorrow and struggles. But above that, I have been BLESSED. Yet so much of that abundant life I spent in FEAR. Not fully appreciating the grace I've been given.
You see, ever since I was in High school....maybe even junior high, I can remember worrying. Worrying about little things, big things, nonexistent things, potential things. Worrying about other people, their struggles, their opinions, their approval. Things that would rob me of energy, time, attention and happiness. Things that would keep me from living my life to the fullest. Going after dreams. Fully being in a moment. Even listening to people...my thoughts would carry me to my fears.
Different times of my life the fears have been louder. Like when I got engaged...and had some relational challenges with my in-laws. I am such a pleaser and the fact that I may be entering into a life-long commitment with someone whose family wasn't particularly keen of me (at the time), I was fearful. I was scared. I was hurt....wondering what I could do to fix it. I spent countless hours obsessing over it. Fear gripped me.
When I had kids, the fear just crept in deeper. What if I die?! Who will raise them? Who would feed them? They're nursing, they need me. I WANT to be here for them. Every age of it. What if something happened?
So far...it hasn't.
Yet, fear. Its still there. It still grips me.
All that time. All those precious moments. LOST.
We have dreams of one day living in CO. Life is going well. My business is thriving, the kids bring so much joy, I still love my husband of 8 years in a giddy sort of way. My family hasn't suffered any immediate loss. We've had illness, but we're all still here.
Fear. Did I really say that out loud? Am I jinxing myself? What if?????
I've decided to call this damn fear Gremlin. Because I read somewhere that it helps to name it and realize it is not part of me, but something I can get rid of. I CAN live a life without it. I CAN live a life in joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I CAN be fully engaged RIGHT NOW. I CAN listen fully to the precious people in my life. I CAN. And I WILL.
I've spent entirely too much time worrying. What could happen. What might happen. Yeah, that is great, BUT what if this?!
I am HERE. Right NOW. There are no guarantees. But that heed of wisdom does not need to be taken in by fear, it can be taken in by TREASURE.
So tonight I'm going to draw a long bath. I'm going to let it go. Again. And again. And again...
And continue to let that ugly Gremlin go until I can once again breath deeply and fully. Till I don't feel his weight on my shoulders. Till I'm not distracted by his constant banter. Till I can live my life FULLY to the creation God meant me to be.
Without FEAR.
I will be BRAVE. I will take each blessing and its abundance and use it for good. To serve my family. To serve my clients. To serve this world in the only way I can and know how....the way God created ME to be. No one else's job.
I cannot control my future, as much as I'd like to. And regardless of what happens....it will be OK.
It truly will be OK.
So to anyone out there who struggles in any of the same ways, you are not alone! The media screams FEAR. Stories of friends, family and neighbors getting ill, horrific accidents....all screams FEAR. I look at the blessings in my life, completely stumped by WHY I have them and someone else doesn't? Feeling guilty and FEARing my story may soon change. RELEASE it.
This is my life. This is my story. I was uniquely and wonderfully made by God. He will make my path straight. I cannot control it, but I can be BRAVE.
Dare I live to bravely embrace the goodness I've been given at THIS moment. RIGHT now. To be happy and not apologize for it? To be blessed and not feel guilty for it? To have compassion for others and encourage them without taking on their pain and being fearful it will soon be my own?
Gremlin...go. Its time to start living....fully alive. RIGHT now. Lord, please. PLEASE. Give me the strength. I want to be BRAVE.
My life has been altered and sheltered and contained out of FEAR.
I look back at my life and I have been so incredibly, abundantly blessed. And I'm not saying this is a proud, nanner-nanner-nanner, kind of way. I say this in a reassuring, lesson-learned, need to embrace it kind of way. Sure, I've faced loss, heartache, grief, sorrow and struggles. But above that, I have been BLESSED. Yet so much of that abundant life I spent in FEAR. Not fully appreciating the grace I've been given.
You see, ever since I was in High school....maybe even junior high, I can remember worrying. Worrying about little things, big things, nonexistent things, potential things. Worrying about other people, their struggles, their opinions, their approval. Things that would rob me of energy, time, attention and happiness. Things that would keep me from living my life to the fullest. Going after dreams. Fully being in a moment. Even listening to people...my thoughts would carry me to my fears.
Different times of my life the fears have been louder. Like when I got engaged...and had some relational challenges with my in-laws. I am such a pleaser and the fact that I may be entering into a life-long commitment with someone whose family wasn't particularly keen of me (at the time), I was fearful. I was scared. I was hurt....wondering what I could do to fix it. I spent countless hours obsessing over it. Fear gripped me.
When I had kids, the fear just crept in deeper. What if I die?! Who will raise them? Who would feed them? They're nursing, they need me. I WANT to be here for them. Every age of it. What if something happened?
So far...it hasn't.
Yet, fear. Its still there. It still grips me.
All that time. All those precious moments. LOST.
We have dreams of one day living in CO. Life is going well. My business is thriving, the kids bring so much joy, I still love my husband of 8 years in a giddy sort of way. My family hasn't suffered any immediate loss. We've had illness, but we're all still here.
Fear. Did I really say that out loud? Am I jinxing myself? What if?????
I've decided to call this damn fear Gremlin. Because I read somewhere that it helps to name it and realize it is not part of me, but something I can get rid of. I CAN live a life without it. I CAN live a life in joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I CAN be fully engaged RIGHT NOW. I CAN listen fully to the precious people in my life. I CAN. And I WILL.
I've spent entirely too much time worrying. What could happen. What might happen. Yeah, that is great, BUT what if this?!
I am HERE. Right NOW. There are no guarantees. But that heed of wisdom does not need to be taken in by fear, it can be taken in by TREASURE.
So tonight I'm going to draw a long bath. I'm going to let it go. Again. And again. And again...
And continue to let that ugly Gremlin go until I can once again breath deeply and fully. Till I don't feel his weight on my shoulders. Till I'm not distracted by his constant banter. Till I can live my life FULLY to the creation God meant me to be.
Without FEAR.
I will be BRAVE. I will take each blessing and its abundance and use it for good. To serve my family. To serve my clients. To serve this world in the only way I can and know how....the way God created ME to be. No one else's job.
I cannot control my future, as much as I'd like to. And regardless of what happens....it will be OK.
It truly will be OK.
So to anyone out there who struggles in any of the same ways, you are not alone! The media screams FEAR. Stories of friends, family and neighbors getting ill, horrific accidents....all screams FEAR. I look at the blessings in my life, completely stumped by WHY I have them and someone else doesn't? Feeling guilty and FEARing my story may soon change. RELEASE it.
This is my life. This is my story. I was uniquely and wonderfully made by God. He will make my path straight. I cannot control it, but I can be BRAVE.
Dare I live to bravely embrace the goodness I've been given at THIS moment. RIGHT now. To be happy and not apologize for it? To be blessed and not feel guilty for it? To have compassion for others and encourage them without taking on their pain and being fearful it will soon be my own?
Gremlin...go. Its time to start living....fully alive. RIGHT now. Lord, please. PLEASE. Give me the strength. I want to be BRAVE.
9.19.2014
What to do
Its been 7 years since I was pregnant with my first. Seven years of no sleep, changing diapers, baby food, feeding everyone but myself, poop, drool, bottom wiping, chasing and non-stop noise. I have loved every minute (mostly ; ).
This weekend is the first week the boys are camping. Its just me and Marin (the fury one) hanging at home. The house is silent. Almost eerie. Yet still echoing the energy that was here just hours ago with the hustle and bustle of them packing to leave.
I remember thinking when the boys were younger...I'm putting my time in now and one day Shane will take the boys camping and I'll have a whole weekend to myself! What to do, what to do...
So tonight I picked up all the toys. I cleaned the dishes and put the laundry away. The house is tidy. Ahhhh....it may just stay that way for two consecutive days. First time in seven years.
I edited photos for work...uninterrupted. I took the dog for a walk without having to drag the kids in tow or worry about someone being here to watch them while I'm out of the house.
I drank a 1/2 bottle of red wine while snacking on dark chocolate drizzled popcorn.
what to do....
Tomorrow I fully intend to sleep in. Only waking up to read, do my Bible study, browse magazines, sip hot tea and maybe take a bubble bath.
Yoga. Yes....yoga.
I have dinner reservations with a girlfriend from high school I haven't seen in years. Better yet...we're meeting at a vineyard. Outside.
Sunday I plan to either go to church, or stream it in the comfort of my pj's. Get the fall decor out so the boys are excited when they come home. I'll cook a hearty, warm meal. I'll pull the bins of fall clothes from the hand-me-down tubs in the basement and revamp/organize the closets.
I'll start Monday fresh and new.
First time in seven years.
Seven.
And I'm already missing them.
What to do....
This weekend is the first week the boys are camping. Its just me and Marin (the fury one) hanging at home. The house is silent. Almost eerie. Yet still echoing the energy that was here just hours ago with the hustle and bustle of them packing to leave.
I remember thinking when the boys were younger...I'm putting my time in now and one day Shane will take the boys camping and I'll have a whole weekend to myself! What to do, what to do...
So tonight I picked up all the toys. I cleaned the dishes and put the laundry away. The house is tidy. Ahhhh....it may just stay that way for two consecutive days. First time in seven years.
I edited photos for work...uninterrupted. I took the dog for a walk without having to drag the kids in tow or worry about someone being here to watch them while I'm out of the house.
I drank a 1/2 bottle of red wine while snacking on dark chocolate drizzled popcorn.
what to do....
Tomorrow I fully intend to sleep in. Only waking up to read, do my Bible study, browse magazines, sip hot tea and maybe take a bubble bath.
Yoga. Yes....yoga.
I have dinner reservations with a girlfriend from high school I haven't seen in years. Better yet...we're meeting at a vineyard. Outside.
Sunday I plan to either go to church, or stream it in the comfort of my pj's. Get the fall decor out so the boys are excited when they come home. I'll cook a hearty, warm meal. I'll pull the bins of fall clothes from the hand-me-down tubs in the basement and revamp/organize the closets.
I'll start Monday fresh and new.
First time in seven years.
Seven.
And I'm already missing them.
What to do....
6.15.2014
Water Fast Results
I did the water cleanse last month. For 6 days. I ate nothing. I drank water with organic lemons. I sprinkled a taste of Celtic Sea Salt on my tongue for every glass of water. I drank Smooth Move Herbal Tea at night (and sometimes morning)....I know, TMI, but necessary to know if you ever try this. That's it!
Let me share what I have discovered (now a month after the cleanse). I lost 10.5 pounds in those six days. However, I went into full eating after. I came off the fast on a Friday night and my birthday was Sat and Sun was Mother's day. Needless to say....I splurged. Glutton....really. So of course, I put weight back on.
It crept on slowly. But steady. I gained 5 lbs back. But have lost a solid 5 lbs (even on the days I eat terribly) and sometimes down 7 lbs if I watch and behave. Even on Memorial Day weekend when we camped and I ate 2 s'mores every night, drank wine, didn't deprive myself of a meal or chocolate donuts AFTER breakfast. Yep...I overindulged. I was up when I came home, but after just two days of healthier eating, I was back down the full 7 lbs. The weight comes off SO much easier now...it is truly amazing...because I've had to really, really work to maintain my whole life.
My skin is clearer. My metabolism is better. After two c-sections, my tummy always had this 'pocket' of fat ABOVE my belly button. I felt like I looked pregnant all the time. Its gone. When the weight came back on...it was more like it used to be, a 'tire' around my waste as opposed to this high pocket of fat. I have NO idea why my body did that post pregnancies....but I have never been able to change it, till now.
I've worked out with trainers, I've logged calories, I've worked out on my own, I've gone vegetarian. NOTHING has worked like this water fast. It is AMAZING.
Of course, you get a taste of something, and you want more. Right?
So starting this Monday, I am going to fast again. Only thing I'll add this time is 'oil pulling' every day. Where you take a small amount of coconut oil and swish it around your mouth every day for 10-20 minutes. It helps pull the toxins out of your mouth, clear your skin, lessen allergies, etc, etc.
I'll also juice off the fast this time. Juice for a day, raw fruit/veggies for a day or two, then food. Give my metabolism the chance to 'wake up' before loading my body down with food.
Last, I will fast till I'm 5 lbs lighter than I want to be. Last time I fasted to my goal weight, which is unreasonable. You eat...you'll have food in your system....you'll put weight on. So this time I'll leave room to spare.
FYI - I have never done any type of fast before. Not for this length of time...not this intense. I did all fruits/veggies for 3 days about a year ago. But I was still eating as much as I wanted, when I wanted....just raw, vegan food. This is totally different. But doable! If I (who has no will power) was able to do this....you most certainly can too! The first 3 days are the hardest. Drink lots and lots of lemon water. Truly, between that and the salt....you will be fine. I wasn't hungry...I just missed the habit of food. And it was hard not to lick my fingers, nibble, cheat when preparing my kids/husband food that week....but I did it! If you try this...plan it out. Get your head in the game. You'll LOVE it.
The reason you need the salt...your tears are salty, your sweat is salty. We are salt water...not just water. So when you cleanse....use the salt. It HAS to be Celtic Sea Salt. I found mine by the vitamins at a health food store. It helps replenish the 52 essential minerals your body needs. And, you won't be running to pee every 20 minutes....bonus.
I've learned so much through this process too....reading, researching, and through my awesome friend, Wendi, who is on a water fast kick with me. Apparently your body releases toxins 3 ways....sweat, urination/bowel, and through your tongue/mouth. So when you get to day 4 of the cleanse and your body kicks into ketosis....your tongue will turn white and you'll have TERRIBLE breath. Its all the yuck coming out....oil pull!!
The other fascinating fact I came across is that when you go into ketosis and your body starts burning fat cells to get energy...it attacks the unhealthy cells first. So fasting is a great way to hit 'reset' on your body and give it a break from all the junk we tend to put into it. I actually had so much energy that it was waking me up at night! Odd....for someone who hadn't had a morsel of food for 4 days.
Biblically, fasting is a must. The scriptures read...'when' you fast. Not 'if' you fast. Jesus fasted in the dessert for 40 days! I most certainly can fast a few days in the comfort of my home. There are countless examples where stories share that fasting was done before big spiritual favors or miracles were performed. Without the distraction of food, you have a strong, sound mind....you're in a place of peace and it allows you to be closer to God. I loved the extra prayer time, study time and peace I felt while fasting. Although my main goal right now of fasting is for health/weight purposes...I will definitely do this for spiritual tuning too. In fact...I feel like I've neglected the whole "my body is a temple' fact that is mentioned several times in the Bible. For years, I've neglected. So even tho my drive is more physical health right now, it is also tied into spiritual. As once I'm free from my addiction to food...I am free to be closer to God! Its taken me almost 40 years...but I'm getting there!!! Can I get an amen? : )
Almost forgot...you must work out while fasting. When you're dropping weight that fast (I dropped about 2 lbs a day), you will want your muscles to stay strong. So even if you don't do cardio, do strength training. Something. Anything.
Last, I'm doing a Bible study on my own right now...since I'm cleaning house physically, may as well mentally too. Its called "The Seven Experiment". It walks you through 'fasting' in seven areas in your life. Although I'm still on the first chapter...food (how appropriate), I'm excited for what's to come....clothes, stress, waste, etc, etc. I'm in the mood to purge....simpler life. More quality, not quantity. Step by step...day by day.
I only share all of this in hopes that it encourages and inspires YOU! For more info...google 'Water Fast Benefits' and check it out yourself! ; )
After I reach a 'goal' range for my weight, I plan to fast every Monday or so to maintain. I splurge every weekend, so Monday seems like the perfect time to flush my system. I find it odd that we do maintenance on everything else in our lives....cars, houses, yards....yet we don't take the time to do it for ourselves. I promise this is worth it. : ) And best yet...water is free!
xx
Laura
Here are images of me before the fast - Easter.
One last thing. I've also started using olive oil in place of lotion. Just a few drops goes a long way and I promise you're not greasy. I have a little container for it in my bathroom drawer that I refill when necessary....it allows the oil to come out a drop at a time. Just use a little bit, rub it in well, you'll love it...your skin will too! I also use Argan oil on my eyes/face. I found that online through Jose Maran brand. My friend, Ylenia (who has AMAZING skin), gave me that great tip. I have really tried to cut back on products that have so many chemicals going into my body....oil has been an awesome change. That...and my switch to Dr. Bronners castile soap in place of shower gel. I also picked up some Tom's antiperspirant this week....time to ditch the 'secret'!
Why am I so motivated to make these changes....LIFE. I love my life. I want to do everything I can to watch my kids grow, enjoy my family....be the best me God created me to be! Seems every time I turn around....there is another story of a friend/relative battling life-threatening illnesses or life-altering experiences. Just this week my friend shared she has stage 2 breast cancer...3 years younger than me, young daughter. I've grown to see how each day is truly a gift. I pray I am blessed with many, many, many more. I know my future is out of my hands...but these small changes I CAN do and will hopefully make a difference.
I share all of this as I love when people share helpful tips with me. If it weren't for my friends, I would be lost! Wendi told me about the water fast and coached me through it. Ylenia turned me on to oils and castile soap. Where would be without our girlfriends?! Hoping you find something helpful here you can take away, too. xx
Let me share what I have discovered (now a month after the cleanse). I lost 10.5 pounds in those six days. However, I went into full eating after. I came off the fast on a Friday night and my birthday was Sat and Sun was Mother's day. Needless to say....I splurged. Glutton....really. So of course, I put weight back on.
It crept on slowly. But steady. I gained 5 lbs back. But have lost a solid 5 lbs (even on the days I eat terribly) and sometimes down 7 lbs if I watch and behave. Even on Memorial Day weekend when we camped and I ate 2 s'mores every night, drank wine, didn't deprive myself of a meal or chocolate donuts AFTER breakfast. Yep...I overindulged. I was up when I came home, but after just two days of healthier eating, I was back down the full 7 lbs. The weight comes off SO much easier now...it is truly amazing...because I've had to really, really work to maintain my whole life.
My skin is clearer. My metabolism is better. After two c-sections, my tummy always had this 'pocket' of fat ABOVE my belly button. I felt like I looked pregnant all the time. Its gone. When the weight came back on...it was more like it used to be, a 'tire' around my waste as opposed to this high pocket of fat. I have NO idea why my body did that post pregnancies....but I have never been able to change it, till now.
I've worked out with trainers, I've logged calories, I've worked out on my own, I've gone vegetarian. NOTHING has worked like this water fast. It is AMAZING.
Of course, you get a taste of something, and you want more. Right?
So starting this Monday, I am going to fast again. Only thing I'll add this time is 'oil pulling' every day. Where you take a small amount of coconut oil and swish it around your mouth every day for 10-20 minutes. It helps pull the toxins out of your mouth, clear your skin, lessen allergies, etc, etc.
I'll also juice off the fast this time. Juice for a day, raw fruit/veggies for a day or two, then food. Give my metabolism the chance to 'wake up' before loading my body down with food.
Last, I will fast till I'm 5 lbs lighter than I want to be. Last time I fasted to my goal weight, which is unreasonable. You eat...you'll have food in your system....you'll put weight on. So this time I'll leave room to spare.
FYI - I have never done any type of fast before. Not for this length of time...not this intense. I did all fruits/veggies for 3 days about a year ago. But I was still eating as much as I wanted, when I wanted....just raw, vegan food. This is totally different. But doable! If I (who has no will power) was able to do this....you most certainly can too! The first 3 days are the hardest. Drink lots and lots of lemon water. Truly, between that and the salt....you will be fine. I wasn't hungry...I just missed the habit of food. And it was hard not to lick my fingers, nibble, cheat when preparing my kids/husband food that week....but I did it! If you try this...plan it out. Get your head in the game. You'll LOVE it.
The reason you need the salt...your tears are salty, your sweat is salty. We are salt water...not just water. So when you cleanse....use the salt. It HAS to be Celtic Sea Salt. I found mine by the vitamins at a health food store. It helps replenish the 52 essential minerals your body needs. And, you won't be running to pee every 20 minutes....bonus.
I've learned so much through this process too....reading, researching, and through my awesome friend, Wendi, who is on a water fast kick with me. Apparently your body releases toxins 3 ways....sweat, urination/bowel, and through your tongue/mouth. So when you get to day 4 of the cleanse and your body kicks into ketosis....your tongue will turn white and you'll have TERRIBLE breath. Its all the yuck coming out....oil pull!!
The other fascinating fact I came across is that when you go into ketosis and your body starts burning fat cells to get energy...it attacks the unhealthy cells first. So fasting is a great way to hit 'reset' on your body and give it a break from all the junk we tend to put into it. I actually had so much energy that it was waking me up at night! Odd....for someone who hadn't had a morsel of food for 4 days.
Biblically, fasting is a must. The scriptures read...'when' you fast. Not 'if' you fast. Jesus fasted in the dessert for 40 days! I most certainly can fast a few days in the comfort of my home. There are countless examples where stories share that fasting was done before big spiritual favors or miracles were performed. Without the distraction of food, you have a strong, sound mind....you're in a place of peace and it allows you to be closer to God. I loved the extra prayer time, study time and peace I felt while fasting. Although my main goal right now of fasting is for health/weight purposes...I will definitely do this for spiritual tuning too. In fact...I feel like I've neglected the whole "my body is a temple' fact that is mentioned several times in the Bible. For years, I've neglected. So even tho my drive is more physical health right now, it is also tied into spiritual. As once I'm free from my addiction to food...I am free to be closer to God! Its taken me almost 40 years...but I'm getting there!!! Can I get an amen? : )
Almost forgot...you must work out while fasting. When you're dropping weight that fast (I dropped about 2 lbs a day), you will want your muscles to stay strong. So even if you don't do cardio, do strength training. Something. Anything.
Last, I'm doing a Bible study on my own right now...since I'm cleaning house physically, may as well mentally too. Its called "The Seven Experiment". It walks you through 'fasting' in seven areas in your life. Although I'm still on the first chapter...food (how appropriate), I'm excited for what's to come....clothes, stress, waste, etc, etc. I'm in the mood to purge....simpler life. More quality, not quantity. Step by step...day by day.
I only share all of this in hopes that it encourages and inspires YOU! For more info...google 'Water Fast Benefits' and check it out yourself! ; )
After I reach a 'goal' range for my weight, I plan to fast every Monday or so to maintain. I splurge every weekend, so Monday seems like the perfect time to flush my system. I find it odd that we do maintenance on everything else in our lives....cars, houses, yards....yet we don't take the time to do it for ourselves. I promise this is worth it. : ) And best yet...water is free!
xx
Laura
Here are images of me before the fast - Easter.
Me after the fast....day 6 morning (post work out....sorry)
Me now...5 to 7 lbs lighter (and clearer skin), feeling better than ever!
One last thing. I've also started using olive oil in place of lotion. Just a few drops goes a long way and I promise you're not greasy. I have a little container for it in my bathroom drawer that I refill when necessary....it allows the oil to come out a drop at a time. Just use a little bit, rub it in well, you'll love it...your skin will too! I also use Argan oil on my eyes/face. I found that online through Jose Maran brand. My friend, Ylenia (who has AMAZING skin), gave me that great tip. I have really tried to cut back on products that have so many chemicals going into my body....oil has been an awesome change. That...and my switch to Dr. Bronners castile soap in place of shower gel. I also picked up some Tom's antiperspirant this week....time to ditch the 'secret'!
Why am I so motivated to make these changes....LIFE. I love my life. I want to do everything I can to watch my kids grow, enjoy my family....be the best me God created me to be! Seems every time I turn around....there is another story of a friend/relative battling life-threatening illnesses or life-altering experiences. Just this week my friend shared she has stage 2 breast cancer...3 years younger than me, young daughter. I've grown to see how each day is truly a gift. I pray I am blessed with many, many, many more. I know my future is out of my hands...but these small changes I CAN do and will hopefully make a difference.
I share all of this as I love when people share helpful tips with me. If it weren't for my friends, I would be lost! Wendi told me about the water fast and coached me through it. Ylenia turned me on to oils and castile soap. Where would be without our girlfriends?! Hoping you find something helpful here you can take away, too. xx
5.16.2014
Purpose
Sometimes I feel like my life stands still in the midst of the chaos. School, errands, work, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and trying to fit time for play, friends, devotions and what about my marriage? There I stand....still in the midst of everything spinning around me like a tornado.
I feel like God is pruning me. In many ways and forms....but two in particular. I've seen my circle of friends transition throughout my life. Some changes come from adversity. Some changes come from geography. Some changes come from lifestyle changes...family, children, schedules. But this particular season of my life I feel like I'm being pulled away from my close friends.
Its not that I don't have friends. Or even that I don't see them. I have a wonderful world full of girlfriends I love and adore. Each bringing something fresh and new in my life. But What I feel right now is God calling me to put HIM FIRST. Instead of calling a friend, getting on my knees and calling him. Putting my time and attention into my family. Into our future. Into my faith.
At first I felt a little lonely. I felt like no one truly got 'me'. But now I am seeing that God gets me...and He wants me to have my eyes set on HIM alone. I'm humbled....I'm at peace. I'm thankful. I'm loved. What a beautiful gift to receive....God's unending love. How foolishly I often flee from it.
In this pruning process I'm left looking at my life. Evaluating things. And realizing how much excess. How many culture-induced 'needs' I have in my life. Suddenly I want nothing more than to purge. I want less. In the quiet of less....I'll have more. In the 'more' I'll have purpose.
We're gearing up for a move to Colorado at some point. We have 35 acres of land waiting for us. Not a day goes by that I don't think about what my life would be like there. How what I'm currently doing would look so different if we were there.
We plan to downsize. Smaller home. Less belongings. More purpose.
We spent spring break with my beautiful cousin, Molly. She and her daughter share a gorgeous home in AZ. Its a ranch, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. Probably 1500 sq ft? There were 6 of us under one roof for 7 days and never once was it uncomfortable. In fact, it was amazing. I wish we lived together all the time. Sharing the duties of life...it was easy. It just flowed. Shane and I left her place with the realization that we want less. We would be so happy to have a house that size instead of our current 3500ish home.
Don't get me wrong....I feel immensely blessed to be where we are. I have never felt like this home was my own. I feel like I'm living in my parents home....that somehow we acquired. Having a home like this in the type of neighborhood has been a dream and blessing. Its served us well and I can honestly say that with my studio in the basement, we use it all.
But now our babies are getting older. And all the 'stuff' that comes with having babies is thinning. We now play with bikes and match box cars. Trampolines and markers. Things much more compact than swings, jumpers and saucers. More time outside. And we're realizing we're ready to slim down.
A house where we have one common area of living space....where we actually have to talk to each other and not float to the basement or play room upstairs. Its time to move away from the mindset we've grown to accept of 'bigger is better'. More is necessity. Always looking for whats next.
I cannot wait to have our little home on 35 acres where we spend most of our time together. Outside more.
Where we save our pennies previously spent on the hottest toys and video games....and go on a family missions trip. I want my boys to see how the world lives. To have a heart full of compassion and awareness.
Oddly enough I was sharing some of this with my mom on the phone tonight. How I feel God is pruning me....maybe for a move??!? And how I have this insatiable craving for purpose.
2 minutes later. I sit down to eat dinner with the boys (Shane's still working) and out of nowhere Finn asks me...."Mom, can we go to a poor place? I want to see the kids and play with them. I want to take them food and share it. Like bananas, mom. I bet they've never tasted a banana." I teared up. God sure has a sense of humor.
I asked Finn....did you discuss missions at school today? No. What made you think of that? I don't know....remember you showed me those kids a long time ago? (yes...Christmas...when we were donating shoe boxes). How funny that he says it now. At this time. At that moment.
So now I will be searching for ways we can get involved. Locally. This summer. He's ready. His heart is on fire for the Lord....and I am so excited to see what He has in store for us! More purpose.
Its amazing to me what I hear when I quiet myself enough to just LISTEN. There is such a delicate balance between isolation from society and finding peace in my faith. I crave those quiet moments with my kids....where we wrestle and giggle, go outside and jump on the trampoline. They cackle and squeal with excitement. That's the good stuff. And I want more of it.
It has taken me 3 days to return some of my work emails. Guilt wells up inside. I simply have not had time (in my opinion) to sit down and do it. Why? Because I've been nurturing Miles whose allergies are so bad he just wants to snuggle. I've been baking and cooking for my family so we have good food to eat. I've been having conversations with people face to face. I've been putting my phone down and trying to look at my LIFE. Its a hard adjustment. I fight the urge to dive into technology constantly. But the joy....the joy is in relationship.
I have been trying to overcome my sense of urgency. Urgency to check my phone every 2 minutes. Urgency to answer every call as it comes in. Urgency to answer an email while driving instead of waiting till I'm safely parked at my destination. Our society is full of urgency. Its time for me to let it go.
Hopefully we can find a place to serve this summer. A place where my kids can bring light in someones world. A place where we can be still. Quiet. And listen. Let the joy steep into the air. We have so much to learn.
I feel like God is pruning me. In many ways and forms....but two in particular. I've seen my circle of friends transition throughout my life. Some changes come from adversity. Some changes come from geography. Some changes come from lifestyle changes...family, children, schedules. But this particular season of my life I feel like I'm being pulled away from my close friends.
Its not that I don't have friends. Or even that I don't see them. I have a wonderful world full of girlfriends I love and adore. Each bringing something fresh and new in my life. But What I feel right now is God calling me to put HIM FIRST. Instead of calling a friend, getting on my knees and calling him. Putting my time and attention into my family. Into our future. Into my faith.
At first I felt a little lonely. I felt like no one truly got 'me'. But now I am seeing that God gets me...and He wants me to have my eyes set on HIM alone. I'm humbled....I'm at peace. I'm thankful. I'm loved. What a beautiful gift to receive....God's unending love. How foolishly I often flee from it.
In this pruning process I'm left looking at my life. Evaluating things. And realizing how much excess. How many culture-induced 'needs' I have in my life. Suddenly I want nothing more than to purge. I want less. In the quiet of less....I'll have more. In the 'more' I'll have purpose.
We're gearing up for a move to Colorado at some point. We have 35 acres of land waiting for us. Not a day goes by that I don't think about what my life would be like there. How what I'm currently doing would look so different if we were there.
We plan to downsize. Smaller home. Less belongings. More purpose.
We spent spring break with my beautiful cousin, Molly. She and her daughter share a gorgeous home in AZ. Its a ranch, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. Probably 1500 sq ft? There were 6 of us under one roof for 7 days and never once was it uncomfortable. In fact, it was amazing. I wish we lived together all the time. Sharing the duties of life...it was easy. It just flowed. Shane and I left her place with the realization that we want less. We would be so happy to have a house that size instead of our current 3500ish home.
Don't get me wrong....I feel immensely blessed to be where we are. I have never felt like this home was my own. I feel like I'm living in my parents home....that somehow we acquired. Having a home like this in the type of neighborhood has been a dream and blessing. Its served us well and I can honestly say that with my studio in the basement, we use it all.
But now our babies are getting older. And all the 'stuff' that comes with having babies is thinning. We now play with bikes and match box cars. Trampolines and markers. Things much more compact than swings, jumpers and saucers. More time outside. And we're realizing we're ready to slim down.
A house where we have one common area of living space....where we actually have to talk to each other and not float to the basement or play room upstairs. Its time to move away from the mindset we've grown to accept of 'bigger is better'. More is necessity. Always looking for whats next.
I cannot wait to have our little home on 35 acres where we spend most of our time together. Outside more.
Where we save our pennies previously spent on the hottest toys and video games....and go on a family missions trip. I want my boys to see how the world lives. To have a heart full of compassion and awareness.
Oddly enough I was sharing some of this with my mom on the phone tonight. How I feel God is pruning me....maybe for a move??!? And how I have this insatiable craving for purpose.
2 minutes later. I sit down to eat dinner with the boys (Shane's still working) and out of nowhere Finn asks me...."Mom, can we go to a poor place? I want to see the kids and play with them. I want to take them food and share it. Like bananas, mom. I bet they've never tasted a banana." I teared up. God sure has a sense of humor.
I asked Finn....did you discuss missions at school today? No. What made you think of that? I don't know....remember you showed me those kids a long time ago? (yes...Christmas...when we were donating shoe boxes). How funny that he says it now. At this time. At that moment.
So now I will be searching for ways we can get involved. Locally. This summer. He's ready. His heart is on fire for the Lord....and I am so excited to see what He has in store for us! More purpose.
Its amazing to me what I hear when I quiet myself enough to just LISTEN. There is such a delicate balance between isolation from society and finding peace in my faith. I crave those quiet moments with my kids....where we wrestle and giggle, go outside and jump on the trampoline. They cackle and squeal with excitement. That's the good stuff. And I want more of it.
It has taken me 3 days to return some of my work emails. Guilt wells up inside. I simply have not had time (in my opinion) to sit down and do it. Why? Because I've been nurturing Miles whose allergies are so bad he just wants to snuggle. I've been baking and cooking for my family so we have good food to eat. I've been having conversations with people face to face. I've been putting my phone down and trying to look at my LIFE. Its a hard adjustment. I fight the urge to dive into technology constantly. But the joy....the joy is in relationship.
I have been trying to overcome my sense of urgency. Urgency to check my phone every 2 minutes. Urgency to answer every call as it comes in. Urgency to answer an email while driving instead of waiting till I'm safely parked at my destination. Our society is full of urgency. Its time for me to let it go.
Hopefully we can find a place to serve this summer. A place where my kids can bring light in someones world. A place where we can be still. Quiet. And listen. Let the joy steep into the air. We have so much to learn.
5.05.2014
Cleansing
My birthday is Saturday. I'll be 38 years old. I look back at my life...the last 8 years by far the best. I am so in love with my husband and our family. I feel like every day is a gift. Of course we have our moments of disagreements and conflicts, but we have so much joy. What a blessing to be able to say that. Something I thank God for every day.
I started a six day water cleanse yesterday. I took communion at church Sunday morning. The toenail-sized bread and splash of juice that symbolized the last supper and our privilege to partake in such an amazing remembrance of what our Lord sacrificed for us...the best way to kick off a cleanse. I couldn't think of anything better to put in my body before taking on this challenge.
God with us. Emmanuel.
Cleansing. I've had something to eat for the last 13,864 days of my life. Not just something - but at least 3 meals. If not snacks as well. Dessert. Drinks. Indulgence. What a blessing. Borderline obsession. I have never grown hungry for something that was outside of my reach and readily available. I pray this cleanse will give me a new perspective on food. To see that my body is truly a temple that the Lord has blessed me with. To care for it in a way that would glorify Him. To bless our food and partake only with a thankful heart and spirit.
This is the first true fast I've ever done. It feels good. I did some research to be sure it was safe. I am amazed at the health benefits that come from doing a water fast. Resetting my body, mind and soul.
I'm also amazed at the response I get from most people when I tell them. As if we have all become so accustomed to eating whatever/whenever we want that it seems merely impossible for us to go without food. Believing it would be harmful or that I would not be able to function. It was my first response, too! Yet my bulging waste is testimony that I have plenty of excess fat stored up. I'll be just fine. Fasting is an ancient exercise of good health and spiritual renewal. I'm in need of both.
My dear friend, Wendi, turned me onto this cleanse. She does a cleanse twice a year. She's 8 years older than me....looks the same age, if not younger. She has taught me many tricks and tips about eating healthy and wisely. Zucchini noodles are a new favorite in my house thanks to her. : )
She also takes Celtic Sea Salt with the water. Our tears...salty. Our sweat...salty. We need the salt to balance the water and truly flush through our system. The Celtic Sea Salt being one of the only unprocessed products on the market that still provides all the minerals we need. And in taking 1/4 tsp of it with every 16oz of water - you will not be urinating as often as you would be without it. Its amazing...I cannot believe how well its working considering all that I've had for the last 40 hours is water.
Speaking of salt water - I'm so hooked on the new Hillsong United song, Oceans. Take a listen here.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the watersWherever You would call meTake me deeper than my feet could ever wanderAnd my faith will be made strongerIn the presence of my Savior
What a beautiful song.
I also watched the documentary called "Happy." You can find it here. Great one to watch with your kids....to give them some perspective. Both of these encouragers have been great for me. Perfect company on my fasting journey.
I was humbled watching it. Looking at the way other people live around the world. How deep our society and culture have emerged into a rat race of wealth, image, and schedules. I often find myself battling the urge for isolation. To run away from the pressures of our society. Part of why we're working so hard to get to our 35 acres in Colorado. It was refreshing to see that the simplicity of life is still enjoyed in so many other areas of the world. I hope to spend many days with our family just enjoying our time together on the land. Peace of the wind in our ears, the stars to gaze upon at night.
I love the joy I feel with our little family when we're hiking, snuggling, sharing a meal...those moments. We are beyond blessed to have countless friends & family in our lives and love our time with them. Those moments are what build a bond between us that is beyond description. Why would I want to jam our schedules so full of activities and obligations that we are too busy to enjoy those moments? Yet our culture pushes us to get involved in so many things and work so hard that it barely leaves time to enjoy these simple blessings.
Its a balance...and I guess what I'm trying to say is that it feels like we're falling behind if our kids aren't in little gym, kindermusik, ski club, basketball, baseball, soccer and swimming lessons. For those families that it works - great! I'm sure my boys will be in some sort of sports soon enough. I just want to spend dinner time at our table together, listening to their day. I want to grill out with our neighbors, friends or family and not have to rush out to practice. I'd never want to deprive our kids from experiences and opportunities...yet when is enough, enough? How do I carve this type of life for us out of this culture?
So I will be taking this week for cleansing.
My body to be flushed. Toxins out, restart, reset.
My mind to be focused. Discipline, will-power, and to recognize that I am stronger than I previously believed. To brainstorm on ways we can work towards a life of "happiness." (per the movie description)
My soul restored. There is so much hurt in this world. Its prophesy that it will just continue to get worse. I cannot bare the thought of putting my energy into burdening my heart with all of what happens and is reported on the news. With technology it is almost impossible to escape the dark sadness that is engulfing our world. Not only on a large scale, but even in the little everyday occurrences that happen in our own little world. Its time to let it go. Find the balance of being aware yet protecting myself from being consumed by it.
My birthday will be a celebration this year, for sure. I pray that God walk aside my thirsty soul as I journey and long to know more of Him. To have His will for my life be my reality. To let go of my plans and let His kick in. To quit being so wrapped up in myself and be more aware of others.
I started a six day water cleanse yesterday. I took communion at church Sunday morning. The toenail-sized bread and splash of juice that symbolized the last supper and our privilege to partake in such an amazing remembrance of what our Lord sacrificed for us...the best way to kick off a cleanse. I couldn't think of anything better to put in my body before taking on this challenge.
God with us. Emmanuel.
Cleansing. I've had something to eat for the last 13,864 days of my life. Not just something - but at least 3 meals. If not snacks as well. Dessert. Drinks. Indulgence. What a blessing. Borderline obsession. I have never grown hungry for something that was outside of my reach and readily available. I pray this cleanse will give me a new perspective on food. To see that my body is truly a temple that the Lord has blessed me with. To care for it in a way that would glorify Him. To bless our food and partake only with a thankful heart and spirit.
This is the first true fast I've ever done. It feels good. I did some research to be sure it was safe. I am amazed at the health benefits that come from doing a water fast. Resetting my body, mind and soul.
I'm also amazed at the response I get from most people when I tell them. As if we have all become so accustomed to eating whatever/whenever we want that it seems merely impossible for us to go without food. Believing it would be harmful or that I would not be able to function. It was my first response, too! Yet my bulging waste is testimony that I have plenty of excess fat stored up. I'll be just fine. Fasting is an ancient exercise of good health and spiritual renewal. I'm in need of both.
My dear friend, Wendi, turned me onto this cleanse. She does a cleanse twice a year. She's 8 years older than me....looks the same age, if not younger. She has taught me many tricks and tips about eating healthy and wisely. Zucchini noodles are a new favorite in my house thanks to her. : )
She also takes Celtic Sea Salt with the water. Our tears...salty. Our sweat...salty. We need the salt to balance the water and truly flush through our system. The Celtic Sea Salt being one of the only unprocessed products on the market that still provides all the minerals we need. And in taking 1/4 tsp of it with every 16oz of water - you will not be urinating as often as you would be without it. Its amazing...I cannot believe how well its working considering all that I've had for the last 40 hours is water.
Speaking of salt water - I'm so hooked on the new Hillsong United song, Oceans. Take a listen here.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the watersWherever You would call meTake me deeper than my feet could ever wanderAnd my faith will be made strongerIn the presence of my Savior
What a beautiful song.
I also watched the documentary called "Happy." You can find it here. Great one to watch with your kids....to give them some perspective. Both of these encouragers have been great for me. Perfect company on my fasting journey.
I was humbled watching it. Looking at the way other people live around the world. How deep our society and culture have emerged into a rat race of wealth, image, and schedules. I often find myself battling the urge for isolation. To run away from the pressures of our society. Part of why we're working so hard to get to our 35 acres in Colorado. It was refreshing to see that the simplicity of life is still enjoyed in so many other areas of the world. I hope to spend many days with our family just enjoying our time together on the land. Peace of the wind in our ears, the stars to gaze upon at night.
I love the joy I feel with our little family when we're hiking, snuggling, sharing a meal...those moments. We are beyond blessed to have countless friends & family in our lives and love our time with them. Those moments are what build a bond between us that is beyond description. Why would I want to jam our schedules so full of activities and obligations that we are too busy to enjoy those moments? Yet our culture pushes us to get involved in so many things and work so hard that it barely leaves time to enjoy these simple blessings.
Its a balance...and I guess what I'm trying to say is that it feels like we're falling behind if our kids aren't in little gym, kindermusik, ski club, basketball, baseball, soccer and swimming lessons. For those families that it works - great! I'm sure my boys will be in some sort of sports soon enough. I just want to spend dinner time at our table together, listening to their day. I want to grill out with our neighbors, friends or family and not have to rush out to practice. I'd never want to deprive our kids from experiences and opportunities...yet when is enough, enough? How do I carve this type of life for us out of this culture?
So I will be taking this week for cleansing.
My body to be flushed. Toxins out, restart, reset.
My mind to be focused. Discipline, will-power, and to recognize that I am stronger than I previously believed. To brainstorm on ways we can work towards a life of "happiness." (per the movie description)
My soul restored. There is so much hurt in this world. Its prophesy that it will just continue to get worse. I cannot bare the thought of putting my energy into burdening my heart with all of what happens and is reported on the news. With technology it is almost impossible to escape the dark sadness that is engulfing our world. Not only on a large scale, but even in the little everyday occurrences that happen in our own little world. Its time to let it go. Find the balance of being aware yet protecting myself from being consumed by it.
My birthday will be a celebration this year, for sure. I pray that God walk aside my thirsty soul as I journey and long to know more of Him. To have His will for my life be my reality. To let go of my plans and let His kick in. To quit being so wrapped up in myself and be more aware of others.
...but his delight is in the law of the
Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by
streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not
wither.
Lord, please help me to be your light in this falling world. Help me to find the balance of reaching out to those in need, yet protecting myself from the busy-ness of this world. Let me show your LOVE in all things. Please forgive my sins and doubts. Use me to do Your work. Draw me nearer. I want nothing more than to be cleansed this week - from the inside, out.
3.04.2014
Unplugged
My laptop crashed Sunday night. I sat, frantic, in front of it for 4 hours trying to fix it myself. Staying up way into the wee hours of the night.
Monday morning. Worse. And I had to get the kids ready, me ready, studio ready, out the door by 8am. Workout. Shower. Client at 10am. Finish up around noon. All the while texting a company about fixing it. Dropped it off around 1pm.
Then I went through what felt like detox.
I just got it back this afternoon around 4:30 but didn't get to sit down and try it till the kids were in bed at 9.
I
am
AMAZED
at
how
DEPENDENT
I
have
become
on
technology.
Humbled, actually.
By my inability to
LET
IT
GOooooooooooooooooooo
I felt like I was pregnant again. You know…that feeling where you KNOW you're forgetting something. You KNOW there is something you should be doing. You simply, cannot, for the life of you remember what?!?
And so I paced. In my mind. In my home. In my heart.
Like a lost puppy wandering around looking for its home.
Yet what was right in front of me?
MY KIDS
MY HUSBAND
MY DEVOTIONS
MY STUDY
MY BATHTUB
MY BOOKS
Did I go out of my way to spend more time with any of these things? Not really.
Not as much as I'd like to report to you. I wish I could say I indulged.
Instead….all I am left with are my feelings of embarrassment. Humility. Inadequacy.
I had a gift. A gift to be 'unplugged' for 2 days. I wasted it.
Once, again, God is showing me in multiple ways that I need to slow down. That He wants more of me. That He wants me in His Word. Every. Single. Day.
Reminded of my blessings. My family. My time. Our health.
And I couldn't even think about going to bed tonight until I wrote this here and processed it. Writing it somehow holds me accountable. Makes me pay closer attention.
So now that I shared. I'm tired. Since the boys went to bed, I answered emails. I edited photos. I emailed pics to clients for a deadline I had to meet. I worked on my son's school auction item projects. I checked FB - which I have GOT to get a grip on my obsession with it. Maybe that will be my next blog post.
I'm still sitting here. Staring at my screen. Love affair with the macbook. My husband is lying solo in bed. My kids sound asleep upstairs and will be bouncing down at the crack of dawn. What on earth am I doing? It truly is time for me to be more mindful to
=UNPLUG=
Monday morning. Worse. And I had to get the kids ready, me ready, studio ready, out the door by 8am. Workout. Shower. Client at 10am. Finish up around noon. All the while texting a company about fixing it. Dropped it off around 1pm.
Then I went through what felt like detox.
I just got it back this afternoon around 4:30 but didn't get to sit down and try it till the kids were in bed at 9.
I
am
AMAZED
at
how
DEPENDENT
I
have
become
on
technology.
Humbled, actually.
By my inability to
LET
IT
GOooooooooooooooooooo
I felt like I was pregnant again. You know…that feeling where you KNOW you're forgetting something. You KNOW there is something you should be doing. You simply, cannot, for the life of you remember what?!?
And so I paced. In my mind. In my home. In my heart.
Like a lost puppy wandering around looking for its home.
Yet what was right in front of me?
MY KIDS
MY HUSBAND
MY DEVOTIONS
MY STUDY
MY BATHTUB
MY BOOKS
Did I go out of my way to spend more time with any of these things? Not really.
Not as much as I'd like to report to you. I wish I could say I indulged.
Instead….all I am left with are my feelings of embarrassment. Humility. Inadequacy.
I had a gift. A gift to be 'unplugged' for 2 days. I wasted it.
Once, again, God is showing me in multiple ways that I need to slow down. That He wants more of me. That He wants me in His Word. Every. Single. Day.
Reminded of my blessings. My family. My time. Our health.
And I couldn't even think about going to bed tonight until I wrote this here and processed it. Writing it somehow holds me accountable. Makes me pay closer attention.
So now that I shared. I'm tired. Since the boys went to bed, I answered emails. I edited photos. I emailed pics to clients for a deadline I had to meet. I worked on my son's school auction item projects. I checked FB - which I have GOT to get a grip on my obsession with it. Maybe that will be my next blog post.
I'm still sitting here. Staring at my screen. Love affair with the macbook. My husband is lying solo in bed. My kids sound asleep upstairs and will be bouncing down at the crack of dawn. What on earth am I doing? It truly is time for me to be more mindful to
=UNPLUG=
2.08.2014
Repentance & Rest
This week's Bible study conversation was based on obedience to God's word. Something I struggle with daily. Just this week, I've lost my cool…on more than one occasion. This winter has been long, and has no end in sight. We have been cooped up. Bored. Antsy. Restless.
What do I fill my time with? Checking Facebook….13,000 times a day. Instagram. Stocks. Pinterest. Texting. Why not do something useful….like reach out to a friend in need? Play with my kids. Get the markers out and get in their world for a bit. Why is is SO HARD to make these simple changes? I'd rather run a load of laundry, answer emails, empty the dishwasher, scrub the floor than take time to SLOW DOWN and get my heart straight. Why is that?!
Isaiah 30:15 gives us these simple equations:
Repentance + Rest = Salvation
Quietness + Trust = Strength
Boy do I need a big dose of both right now.
Only in recognizing my own faults and repenting. Only in taking time to be STILL and rest will I truly find the time/focus to make any changes. In this simple obedience, I will find peace in salvation. Confessing my sins. Praying for the Holy Spirit to fill me. Allowing myself to let go and enjoy the moment. In gratitude. Then peace….peace will flow.
Only in quietness with trust in the Lord will I find strength. Strength to get through the days that seem never-ending. Strength to raise my kids as He would want me to, not left to my own devices. Strength to reach out to those in need instead of being so wrapped up in my own little world. Strength to be who He created me to be, not cower in the insecurities this world brings.
Matthew 6:34
Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I need this tattooed backwards on my forehead. You?
The best part of this week's study…was the reminder to get straight with God FIRST THING every day.
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Why? Because…in the morning, we are RESTED. In the morning, everything from the previous days trials still lays fresh on our hearts…waiting to be repented. The morning is full of quietness. Its easier to search and find trust in the Lord….before the distractions of the day begin.
This is something God has told me repeatedly. And I keep making excuses. I'm tired. I work late. I'm not a morning person….which surely He'd understand as He made me this way! lol Once the kids are older and more independent. Once I get these chores done. Once I finish the laundry (like that will ever happen).
I wanted to look back at my resolutions and grade myself. How am I doing thus far? What have I implemented in my life. What am I still lacking? Lets see….
1. New schedule for work. Hoping it will grant me the time to do more devotionals/praying. Playing with my kids. Cooking for my family. Supporting my husband. Yet still pleasing my clients and growing my business. No TV. Less iPhone. Just molding and shaping my days to be full….but in a way that breeds love, not stress.
I have done this, for the most part. I have done more cooking. I have done a little more playing. I have definitely taken a few nights 'off' work to read, relax, or just sleep. I haven't watched TV, but I'm still using my iPhone too, too much. Its SO addicting! But my schedule (for work/photography) was manageable this month. Not too much and (thankfully) not too little. Praise for that! I'll continue working on the others…especially the daily devotions.
2. Drinking 65oz+ of water every day.
I did this for the first week or two….but have been slacking recently. I feel SO much better when I do this. Time to get back on track!
3. Get my fruits/veggies in…..consistently.
This I've been good about. SuperBowl Sunday I crashed. But for the most part, I've been doing well here.
4. Truly take a day for Sabbath. Shut down technology. Be with my family. Embrace God and His love. Reflect, Renew, Rejoice.
Not happening at all. Tisk, tisk. This HAS to be a priority. Its probably the most important thing on this list!
5. Do daily devotions/prayers - at any point of the day (mornings are too much pressure….then I feel like a failure all day if I don't get to them).
Well, if you've read this far….I think you know how I'm doing here. I recognize that it really, does need to be in the mornings. I am reading my devotions at least every 2-3 days. But I am also realizing how appalled I am at my behavior changing (especially towards my husband & kids) on the days I miss doing this. It is a necessity and truly needs to happen in the morning. Maybe I need to get up at 6?!?! OY!!!!
6. Less shopping. More saving. More tithing. More gifting.
I'm happy to report that my shopping this month was minimal. The boys needed tennis shoes (ahem….Finn was wearing an 11 and was sized at 13.5! and Miles was wearing an 8 and sized at 9.5! Bad mommy!!! lol). But for the most part….I'm on the right path! And I started selling stuff we don't need anymore….so not only am I spending less, but I'm also making more! Whoohoo!
7. Better communication the 'old' way. Hand written notes (or even an email) instead of a quick FB post or text. Take time to call and give them my full attention. Be a better listener.
Did a little bit of this. Had a few good visits with some AZ family that were town. Had a few phone conversations with friends/family that I don't get to do often. So I will say good here too. I really enjoy doing this so it isn't as hard as getting up earlier for devotional time.
8. Take more photos (candid) of my family. Use my polaroid camera more. Print photos from my phone more. Create family albums.
I haven't been good about this either. Today I took a few pics of the boys for Valentines cards. But as far as taking videos/photos around the house….nope. No polaroids. No iPhone. Nothing more printed. Need to work on this.
9. Bless others through actions. Include the kids. Ie, bake cookies together to deliver. Donate used shoes, toys. Have a garage sale, then use the money to bless a struggling family. Teach my kids that when you give/bless others it warms your heart with love and peace that overflows. Far better than any 'good' temporary feeling we may get from buying/doing something for ourselves.
Haven't done anything major here either. I did do some private/anonymous tithing to some people in need….but need to work more on including the kids. One exciting thing tho….Shane and I did talk about doing missions together in the future and how we could include the kids. I know this will become a reality…so that's exciting.
10. Date night with my hubby. At least once every 3 wks. Because I know our crazy schedules….yet once/month seems like too little. So 3 wks is our starting point - and seems doable.
We did it!! We went last Fri - 3 wks after our snowboarding time together. And I booked our sitter every 3 wks from here till April. I'm excited for this and we get so much out of our time together. : )
Well, I better sign off. I get this 'itch' to write and let my soul spill. Thank you for listening. Time to go spend the day with my family. I did do my devotions before writing this post! ; )) Hope you are doing well with your resolutions and take time to repent & rest. In quietness and trust.
What do I fill my time with? Checking Facebook….13,000 times a day. Instagram. Stocks. Pinterest. Texting. Why not do something useful….like reach out to a friend in need? Play with my kids. Get the markers out and get in their world for a bit. Why is is SO HARD to make these simple changes? I'd rather run a load of laundry, answer emails, empty the dishwasher, scrub the floor than take time to SLOW DOWN and get my heart straight. Why is that?!
Isaiah 30:15 gives us these simple equations:
Repentance + Rest = Salvation
Quietness + Trust = Strength
Boy do I need a big dose of both right now.
Only in recognizing my own faults and repenting. Only in taking time to be STILL and rest will I truly find the time/focus to make any changes. In this simple obedience, I will find peace in salvation. Confessing my sins. Praying for the Holy Spirit to fill me. Allowing myself to let go and enjoy the moment. In gratitude. Then peace….peace will flow.
Only in quietness with trust in the Lord will I find strength. Strength to get through the days that seem never-ending. Strength to raise my kids as He would want me to, not left to my own devices. Strength to reach out to those in need instead of being so wrapped up in my own little world. Strength to be who He created me to be, not cower in the insecurities this world brings.
Matthew 6:34
Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I need this tattooed backwards on my forehead. You?
The best part of this week's study…was the reminder to get straight with God FIRST THING every day.
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Why? Because…in the morning, we are RESTED. In the morning, everything from the previous days trials still lays fresh on our hearts…waiting to be repented. The morning is full of quietness. Its easier to search and find trust in the Lord….before the distractions of the day begin.
This is something God has told me repeatedly. And I keep making excuses. I'm tired. I work late. I'm not a morning person….which surely He'd understand as He made me this way! lol Once the kids are older and more independent. Once I get these chores done. Once I finish the laundry (like that will ever happen).
I wanted to look back at my resolutions and grade myself. How am I doing thus far? What have I implemented in my life. What am I still lacking? Lets see….
1. New schedule for work. Hoping it will grant me the time to do more devotionals/praying. Playing with my kids. Cooking for my family. Supporting my husband. Yet still pleasing my clients and growing my business. No TV. Less iPhone. Just molding and shaping my days to be full….but in a way that breeds love, not stress.
I have done this, for the most part. I have done more cooking. I have done a little more playing. I have definitely taken a few nights 'off' work to read, relax, or just sleep. I haven't watched TV, but I'm still using my iPhone too, too much. Its SO addicting! But my schedule (for work/photography) was manageable this month. Not too much and (thankfully) not too little. Praise for that! I'll continue working on the others…especially the daily devotions.
2. Drinking 65oz+ of water every day.
I did this for the first week or two….but have been slacking recently. I feel SO much better when I do this. Time to get back on track!
3. Get my fruits/veggies in…..consistently.
This I've been good about. SuperBowl Sunday I crashed. But for the most part, I've been doing well here.
4. Truly take a day for Sabbath. Shut down technology. Be with my family. Embrace God and His love. Reflect, Renew, Rejoice.
Not happening at all. Tisk, tisk. This HAS to be a priority. Its probably the most important thing on this list!
5. Do daily devotions/prayers - at any point of the day (mornings are too much pressure….then I feel like a failure all day if I don't get to them).
Well, if you've read this far….I think you know how I'm doing here. I recognize that it really, does need to be in the mornings. I am reading my devotions at least every 2-3 days. But I am also realizing how appalled I am at my behavior changing (especially towards my husband & kids) on the days I miss doing this. It is a necessity and truly needs to happen in the morning. Maybe I need to get up at 6?!?! OY!!!!
6. Less shopping. More saving. More tithing. More gifting.
I'm happy to report that my shopping this month was minimal. The boys needed tennis shoes (ahem….Finn was wearing an 11 and was sized at 13.5! and Miles was wearing an 8 and sized at 9.5! Bad mommy!!! lol). But for the most part….I'm on the right path! And I started selling stuff we don't need anymore….so not only am I spending less, but I'm also making more! Whoohoo!
7. Better communication the 'old' way. Hand written notes (or even an email) instead of a quick FB post or text. Take time to call and give them my full attention. Be a better listener.
Did a little bit of this. Had a few good visits with some AZ family that were town. Had a few phone conversations with friends/family that I don't get to do often. So I will say good here too. I really enjoy doing this so it isn't as hard as getting up earlier for devotional time.
8. Take more photos (candid) of my family. Use my polaroid camera more. Print photos from my phone more. Create family albums.
I haven't been good about this either. Today I took a few pics of the boys for Valentines cards. But as far as taking videos/photos around the house….nope. No polaroids. No iPhone. Nothing more printed. Need to work on this.
9. Bless others through actions. Include the kids. Ie, bake cookies together to deliver. Donate used shoes, toys. Have a garage sale, then use the money to bless a struggling family. Teach my kids that when you give/bless others it warms your heart with love and peace that overflows. Far better than any 'good' temporary feeling we may get from buying/doing something for ourselves.
Haven't done anything major here either. I did do some private/anonymous tithing to some people in need….but need to work more on including the kids. One exciting thing tho….Shane and I did talk about doing missions together in the future and how we could include the kids. I know this will become a reality…so that's exciting.
10. Date night with my hubby. At least once every 3 wks. Because I know our crazy schedules….yet once/month seems like too little. So 3 wks is our starting point - and seems doable.
We did it!! We went last Fri - 3 wks after our snowboarding time together. And I booked our sitter every 3 wks from here till April. I'm excited for this and we get so much out of our time together. : )
Well, I better sign off. I get this 'itch' to write and let my soul spill. Thank you for listening. Time to go spend the day with my family. I did do my devotions before writing this post! ; )) Hope you are doing well with your resolutions and take time to repent & rest. In quietness and trust.
1.07.2014
Something new
Its that time of year when I start reflecting on last year, anticipating this year. Looking at myself, my life, my family and trying to find ways to have more balance. Better myself. Give more.
2013 was full. Full of loss. Full of life. I lost my Aunt Ree and my Uncle Mike. I didn't spend enough time with either of them. I heard more news of friends, family, loved ones, acquaintances who are battling illnesses, accidents and situations that break my heart into a million pieces. I know its prophesy that things will only get worse…and I just keep holding on to the promise that after the fall - we will rise. I've realized how much time I waste living with fear…wondering if any of the things my friends/family are going through will happen to me. Wasted time. So one goal is to find the balance between grief/compassion and embracing the joy in my life. There is no sense allowing the grief to rob the joy. Or for the joy to blur the grief. There is balance to feel it all….at the right times. For the right lengths. I pray God will help me on a continual journey through life to find this fine line.
My current Bible study was saying that even depression and anxiety are forms of pride. Because anything less than humility is pride. So even if you're putting yourself down, worrying about your own life, wallowing in your fears….you are focused on YOU. You may not be thinking you're better than others….but you are still completely focused and wrapped up in your own little world. Thus, PRIDEFUL. Harsh reality for me.
This year was also full of love and joy. I saw friends have babies. I was blessed with more business than I could handle. My family is healthy. My boys are thriving. We are blessed abundantly…and do not deserve it. But are deeply grateful.
2013 taught me a lot. About life. About love. About boys (mine in particular). About pride. About relationships. About business. About balance. About priorities. About victories. About reaching out and blessing others. About listening. About parenting. About joy.
Resolutions. Goals. Accountability.
I made a short list and am sharing for all to see. If you see me falling off track…throw me back on!
1. New schedule for work. Hoping it will grant me the time to do more devotionals/praying. Playing with my kids. Cooking for my family. Supporting my husband. Yet still pleasing my clients and growing my business. No TV. Less iPhone. Just molding and shaping my days to be full….but in a way that breeds love, not stress.
2. Drinking 65oz+ of water every day.
3. Get my fruits/veggies in…..consistently.
4. Truly take a day for Sabbath. Shut down technology. Be with my family. Embrace God and His love. Reflect, Renew, Rejoice.
5. Do daily devotions/prayers - at any point of the day (mornings are too much pressure….then I feel like a failure all day if I don't get to them).
6. Less shopping. More saving. More tithing. More gifting.
7. Better communication the 'old' way. Hand written notes (or even an email) instead of a quick FB post or text. Take time to call and give them my full attention. Be a better listener.
8. Take more photos (candid) of my family. Use my polaroid camera more. Print photos from my phone more. Create family albums.
9. Bless others through actions. Include the kids. Ie, bake cookies together to deliver. Donate used shoes, toys. Have a garage sale, then use the money to bless a struggling family. Teach my kids that when you give/bless others it warms your heart with love and peace that overflows. Far better than any 'good' temporary feeling we may get from buying/doing something for ourselves.
10. Date night with my hubby. At least once every 3 wks. Because I know our crazy schedules….yet once/month seems like too little. So 3 wks is our starting point - and seems doable.
That should keep me busy! But I truly feel like I can do all of these things. Life is too short to waste time on things that don't bring love. I already struggle with anxiety and overcoming my fears. These simple changes in my life will only encourage me to go in a brighter direction.
What are your resolutions? What are your goals? What ways will you make this world a brighter, happier, love-filled place? How did 2013 change you?
2013 was full. Full of loss. Full of life. I lost my Aunt Ree and my Uncle Mike. I didn't spend enough time with either of them. I heard more news of friends, family, loved ones, acquaintances who are battling illnesses, accidents and situations that break my heart into a million pieces. I know its prophesy that things will only get worse…and I just keep holding on to the promise that after the fall - we will rise. I've realized how much time I waste living with fear…wondering if any of the things my friends/family are going through will happen to me. Wasted time. So one goal is to find the balance between grief/compassion and embracing the joy in my life. There is no sense allowing the grief to rob the joy. Or for the joy to blur the grief. There is balance to feel it all….at the right times. For the right lengths. I pray God will help me on a continual journey through life to find this fine line.
My current Bible study was saying that even depression and anxiety are forms of pride. Because anything less than humility is pride. So even if you're putting yourself down, worrying about your own life, wallowing in your fears….you are focused on YOU. You may not be thinking you're better than others….but you are still completely focused and wrapped up in your own little world. Thus, PRIDEFUL. Harsh reality for me.
This year was also full of love and joy. I saw friends have babies. I was blessed with more business than I could handle. My family is healthy. My boys are thriving. We are blessed abundantly…and do not deserve it. But are deeply grateful.
2013 taught me a lot. About life. About love. About boys (mine in particular). About pride. About relationships. About business. About balance. About priorities. About victories. About reaching out and blessing others. About listening. About parenting. About joy.
Resolutions. Goals. Accountability.
I made a short list and am sharing for all to see. If you see me falling off track…throw me back on!
1. New schedule for work. Hoping it will grant me the time to do more devotionals/praying. Playing with my kids. Cooking for my family. Supporting my husband. Yet still pleasing my clients and growing my business. No TV. Less iPhone. Just molding and shaping my days to be full….but in a way that breeds love, not stress.
2. Drinking 65oz+ of water every day.
3. Get my fruits/veggies in…..consistently.
4. Truly take a day for Sabbath. Shut down technology. Be with my family. Embrace God and His love. Reflect, Renew, Rejoice.
5. Do daily devotions/prayers - at any point of the day (mornings are too much pressure….then I feel like a failure all day if I don't get to them).
6. Less shopping. More saving. More tithing. More gifting.
7. Better communication the 'old' way. Hand written notes (or even an email) instead of a quick FB post or text. Take time to call and give them my full attention. Be a better listener.
8. Take more photos (candid) of my family. Use my polaroid camera more. Print photos from my phone more. Create family albums.
9. Bless others through actions. Include the kids. Ie, bake cookies together to deliver. Donate used shoes, toys. Have a garage sale, then use the money to bless a struggling family. Teach my kids that when you give/bless others it warms your heart with love and peace that overflows. Far better than any 'good' temporary feeling we may get from buying/doing something for ourselves.
10. Date night with my hubby. At least once every 3 wks. Because I know our crazy schedules….yet once/month seems like too little. So 3 wks is our starting point - and seems doable.
That should keep me busy! But I truly feel like I can do all of these things. Life is too short to waste time on things that don't bring love. I already struggle with anxiety and overcoming my fears. These simple changes in my life will only encourage me to go in a brighter direction.
What are your resolutions? What are your goals? What ways will you make this world a brighter, happier, love-filled place? How did 2013 change you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)