Given I took the entire day on Saturday with a girlfriend to go shopping (we started at 8:30am headed for IKEA and I was home at 9:40pm) - I felt the need for a 'to do' list today. (*and just to clarify....I think this is the first time since I was pregnant with Finn that I got to go shopping all day with a girlfriend...so I was borderline feeling guilty)
So we did have a leisurely breakfast. Shane made a fire, the boys were entertained with the reuniting with daddy (who was gone all week), so there I went....to my over-zealous list....on the hunt for what to do....what to do!!
I started with bathrooms, then vacuuming and general straightening. I showered. Served lunch. Cleaned up. Shane washed cars, collected trash, helped vacuum some rooms, unpacked his bag. He also had to run to his shop in preparation for work tomorrow and I was torn between going to a birthday party with the boys (dear, dear friends of ours whom I really wanted to support) or go to a funeral for my dad's cousin (my dad lost his sister-in-law, my aunt, last month...so double whammy as all he has left for family are cousins). Celebrate life....or death.
Today I chose death. And there I went, sobbing again, contemplating the circle of life as I hugged the 42 year old son of the deceased thinking....when will this be me?!?!
I came home, somber. Yet with great perspective once again. A story and lesson God seems to be putting in my days repeatedly. Too bad I'm such a slow learner. I really, really need to work on this as He clearly wants me to obey one of THE TEN COMMANDMENTS....to take Sabbath.
My list today included....making a little project for the studio, getting the glue gun out to 'stabilize' the train table for the boys, birthday party, funeral, clean house (this is a days job in itself!), photos of the boys in studio for Easter. What was I thinking?
Sad part is, even on work days, my list is so long, so over-zealous, so unrealistic that I never, never, never feel good at the days end....I always have something to carry over. Leaving me with anxiety over the fact that I'm 'behind'. Its a sick, sad habit. How many of us are guilty?
Silver lining. My sweet, precious, Finn was signing the birthday card for our friend's daughter today. I asked him to write his name under ours. He says - "I want to write something else." Here's me....no, no (in a hurry, trying to conquer my list!), just sign your name. He starts writing "L E F" then writes his name. He looks at me and says - there, mom! I wrote "Love, Finn"!
You see...if he would've listened to me, I could've missed that. His first attempt to write a word, sound it out and spell it on his own. First time ever! If I would JUST LEARN to calm down, even for one day a week...how many more of those moments would I have? What will I remember in 20 years? Mopping the floor or Finn's "lef"?
